Q: I officiate youth hockey. In nonleague games, it is the coaches who pay the two officials. At one game, one team’s coach (whom I knew) paid the other official the normal fee but tucked away extra money for me. When my co-official asked if I had gotten the same wage, I said yes so he would not feel cheated. Was it ethical for this coach to pay me extra when the other official and I are the same age, have the same experience and both did the same amount of work? — A.M., New Jersey
A: Both you and that coach acted badly. He prevented your fellow official from getting equal pay, and you covered up for him. But it is the other team’s coach who has the bigger gripe. How can he be confident that a game is officiated fairly if his rival might slip an official a few bucks? For obvious reasons, few sports permit a coach to give an official a pregame tip. (Or a postgame Buick.)
It is unfortunate that this coach directly paid you at all. It would be better if both coaches contributed to pay packets not designated as coming from either of them individually, to avoid the possibility of an official, even subconsciously, favoring the team that put money in his pocket.
Q: I am a recently widowed father of two boys and an 11-year-old girl. My daughter likes to have friends sleep over. We are new to the area, and I know very few of their parents. Am I obliged to call them and let them know there is no mommy in the house? — C.M., New Jersey
A: You need not call each parent to report on the gender breakdown of the sleepover supervisors. You must, of course, respond honestly to reasonable queries from those parents.
Some parents might feel uneasy about having only a man about the place, and you are certainly free to volunteer any information you think they might want. But there is no reason a single dad can’t do a fine job here and no need to apologize for being one.
Q: While recruiting alumni to interview prospective students, my university told us to allay applicants’ anxiety by saying, “This interview can only help you; it can’t hurt you.” But the organizer told of reporting on a candidate who revealed only negative information about herself, and the interview form explicitly requests both positive and negative information. Is it unethical to tell an applicant that the interview can only help? — D.D., Seattle
A: Much as I like the idea of an applicant lulled into a state of serenity and becoming so unguarded as to reveal all manner of deviltry, you may not give applicants a false view of the interview process. Candor is required.
Send questions and comments for Randy Cohen to Universal Press Syndicate, 4520 Main St., Kansas City, MO 64111, or ethicist@nytimes.com.
