Dear Amy: I’m a sophomore in high school. Recently my parents found out that I had a boyfriend. They became really angry, but they allowed me to stay with him as long as we only talked on the phone because he goes to a different high school. I didn’t keep my promise and started sneaking around to go see him. My parents just found out.
I know they are trying to protect me, but I really like this guy and want my parents to meet him. Should I just give in or keep fighting for him? I’m a good student in school, but my mom thinks I’ll end up pregnant. — Frustrated Daughter
Dear Frustrated: If you’re “frustrated,” I’d like you to imagine how your parents feel. They compromised with you, and you responded by betraying your promise — and their trust. You should throw yourself on your parents’ mercy, ask what you can do to get back in their good graces and then, action by action, win back their trust.
Dear Amy: As a child, I was raised by an abusive and very controlling mother.
When the first opportunity came along, I packed my bags and never looked back.
I tried for several years to have some sort of relationship with her, but that is impossible. She is always putting me, my career and my parenting skills down.
For the sake of my own mental health, I’ve had very little to do with her over the past two years. I don’t call or visit unless I have to.
Ever since I moved to a new city, she has bad-mouthed me to her relatives, my father’s relatives and even my in-laws. She tells them I treat her badly, and they believe her. My in-laws barely say 10 words to me now.
I am completely isolated from all my family members, and I don’t know what to do to remedy the situation. If I try to talk to her about her behavior, she only gets more abusive. She seems to live for confrontation.
Any suggestions? — Sick of Abuse
Dear Sick: You need to take your life back. Unfortunately, it might be at the expense of having any relationship with your mother.
You should contact other family members independently and do your best to establish and maintain relationships with them. When you do so, refute any untruths your mother has spread about you, but don’t bad-mouth her — you would just be sinking to her level.
Dear Amy: Your advice to “Helpless and Clueless,” the woman whose 5-year-old niece told people that her boyfriend had threatened to punch her, is also clueless.
You said that he should have been more understanding and not so punitive.
I think his recognition of a potential false allegation in the future and his insistence that he does not wish to be alone with the 5-year-old is in itself proof of maturity. The immature one is the girlfriend in wanting him to ignore a potential problem. After all, he only desires a witness for his protection.
What he did shows that he can be trusted. — Retired Law Enforcement
Dear Retired: Many people have written in, echoing your stance that this man was correct in refusing to be alone with the 5-year-old.
I agreed that he shouldn’t be alone with the little girl, but for different reasons. In my view, the man displayed such a level of anger over the girl’s statement, I didn’t think he could be trusted to behave well in her presence.
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