Dear Amy: I am unsure how to help a friend.
She and I are single mothers, and our daughters are best friends. Ever since I have known “Margaret” (six years), she has been hobbling along financially.
Things just seem to get worse and worse, and she claims that soon she will be out on the street if things don’t change. Margaret’s situation results from a combination of very bad luck, including a car accident that left her in bad physical health, and really bad decisions. She does not work full time, mainly because of her health.
I am not sure I should offer her and her daughter a place to stay in my two-bedroom apartment if things got that bad. I work full time and am barely making ends meet as it is.I lent Margaret a large sum of money, but she never repaid me. — Lost in Alabama
Dear Lost: What a good friend you are! I applaud your genuine desire to help your friend, but she needs life skills more than a lifeboat. By rescuing her, you only delay the important work she has to do. You also might put your own family at risk — taking on this responsibility could sink you too.
You can help “Margaret” the most by introducing her to services and resources in your area. You might be surprised at the variety of no-cost services available. Your friend would benefit from job counseling and training, as well as money-management counseling. Call your local department of children and family services to see what programs your friend might find useful.
Dear Amy: A few months ago, my cousin and her family named their new puppy “Jack,” the same name as my young son.
I’m deeply hurt. I haven’t said anything to my cousin because I honestly don’t know what to say! No family members have said anything to me to lighten the blow (such as, “Isn’t that silly that they named their dog Jack when we already have a delightful little human Jack?”).
How should I react when I see them and meet their new dog. — Jack’s Mom
Dear Mom: I’ve tried to imagine what a blow this is for you. Unfortunately, I can’t get there.
“Jack” is a very common name — as common (and fetching) for a child as it is for a terrier. Please find a way not to feel bad about this. Consider it a fun little coincidence and funny family story.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
