Dear Margo: I’ve been dating a guy I’ll call “Greg” for a year and a half. We had a great relationship; I always had a lot of fun with him. However, we often had little quarrels over unimportant things, whereas we were able to solve bigger conflicts more constructively. Despite the ups and downs, I felt we were happy together. About a month ago, Greg told me he wanted to “take a break” and separate for a while. He said the ups and downs were making him think about whether our relationship was the “right one.” He wanted us to “just be friends” for a while so he could “figure stuff out.” We got together as friends a few times, but it was awkward and usually made me upset. Several days ago, Greg got into an argument with his friend “John.” John called me that night and told me, out of anger, that Greg has been seeing another girl since just days after we broke up. Greg had been going to great lengths to make sure I didn’t find out about the new relationship. Naturally, I am devastated and feel completely duped. I would have almost been happier if he’d broken up with me for someone else, versus breaking up with me in the easiest way possible, then trying to hide his true intentions. I feel so lost and confused about this whole scenario. Should I confront Greg about what his friend told me? Should I keep hanging on? Or should I just cut him out of my life completely? — Scrambled
Dear Scram: Greg behaved like a snake in your view, but I’m willing to bet he thought he was letting you down gently. As for your questions: I would not confront him. Then you will have … what? The result would feel nothing like satisfaction. As for “hanging on,” hanging on to what? He is gone, baby, gone. So your third question is the right one to be asking, and the answer is yes. I guarantee you will feel done with all this in a matter of months. — Margo, unavoidably
When even a phone call is too much
Dear Margo: I’ve written in the past, but I really need your advice this time! My wife and I recently moved to the Northwest from Idaho after I accepted a job offer. We made the decision together; she even faxed in the acceptance letter for me. Here’s the problem: Her estranged father, who was not a part of her childhood, lives in town and has been trying to reconnect with her. She is not interested in a relationship beyond what already exists. We are all friendly enough and see each other for a quick lunch or dinner on holidays, but he can’t leave well enough alone. He calls daily and is always a sad sack on the phone: work stinks, the weather is bad, the boss is a jerk, etc. Now, my wife would rather move than deal with his issues and all the stress. Do I call the man and tell him he’s screwing up my wife’s life and, in turn, screwing up mine? I just want her to be happy. — Beyond Distressed
Dear Be: I wholeheartedly support your idea of phoning your wife’s father to tell him that he needs to dial it back in terms of being in touch with his daughter.
Remind him of the history, and add that your winding up in his town had to do with business, nothing else. Given the situation, you need not worry about antagonizing him. It is perfectly legitimate to say his daily calls are upsetting and that in order to preserve the tenuous relationship they have, he will have to readjust to the holiday schedule. I think it’s wonderful that you are offering to be the spokesman; I also think it will be less fraught than if your wife had to make that call. — Margo, approvingly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
