Remodeling is like childbirth: If people remembered the pain, the world would be full of only children living in houses in their original condition. Ask those maso- chistic enough to remodel, and you’ll hear these universal truths:
• Something completely unexpected always goes wrong.
• Costs and timelines typically double.
• Almost everyone would do it again.
Why? Isn’t life hard enough without voluntarily pillaging your home while raising your stress level and draining your bank account?
Last week I shared one of my remodeling horror stories. This week it’s your turn. I received a slew of terrifying tales from readers. Here are a few best of the worst:
Beneath the seams
“Won’t water get behind that?” Susan (who asked me to withhold her last name) of Syosset, N.Y., posed this question to workers as they installed sheets of waterproofing on her new room addition. The Tyvec barrier should go up in systematic layers; these guys were tacking it up like a crazy quilt.
“Nah, nah, don’t worry,” they assured her. “It will be fine.” (We know where this is going.)
Fast-forward five weeks: After a torrential storm, a smell like someone opened a boys’ locker room six months after the season ended wafted up from the basement. Susan plugged her nose and then went in like Indiana Jones. Water had seeped through the walls, all right, soaked boxes and bags filled with expensive towels and family photos, and fostered forests of thick, psychedelic mold that looked, she said, “like connective tissue.”
Hot water and bleach salvaged her Pratesi and Esplama towels, but her photos were ruined. And the leak? They added another barrier, and all is well.
The humbling home
Fortunately, Peggy James of Fayetteville, Ark., lost only her dignity when she and her husband remodeled the kitchen in their old lake house.
Trouble started when Peggy made the bathroom sink double as a kitchen sink. The bathroom sink had a quirk: Water from it drained into the shower before draining to the septic system. This was OK for the trickles from tooth-brushing or hand-washing, but not for dish duty. Shortly after the couple tore up the kitchen, Peggy’s husband left town for a four-month work assignment. (Naturally.) Then, a record-breaking freeze hit, hardening the drain pipes. Water backed up into the shower, so when Peggy bathed, she stood in 7 inches of filthy, frigid water. She eventually figured out she could stand on a plastic milk crate and rise above the adversity — a perfect metaphor for remodeling.
One life down, eight to go
“Don’t give away the cat,” pleaded Debra Lockwood’s daughter. Only after promising not to, Debra of Edmonton, Alberta, discovered the, uhh, sticky situation her cat, Looie, had created.
Debra wanted to glue down the linoleum lifting at the seams on her kitchen floor. Simple enough. She bought a can of linoleum glue, set it on the counter, and planned to tackle the project after work. But first Looie lent a paw. He knocked the glue can off the counter, popping the lid. Glue spread like pancake batter over the floor. Whoopee! Then he pranced through it and tracked goo all over the furniture, flooring and beds, before congealing into a matted mass.
Debra came home to the mess and Looie literally stuck in the basement. Fortunately, the glue was water-soluble. Debra took this as a sign to replace the linoleum with ceramic tile, which she wanted anyway. As for Looie, besides losing one of his nine lives, he escaped with only a bath and a haircut.
Syndicated columnist Marni Jameson is the author of “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo). You may contact her through .
No pain, no gain
Remodeling isn’t for the faint of heart, according to Reva Kussmaul, a remodeling coach and owner of Eye for Detail, a remodeling and consulting business in Pasadena, Calif. “You have to feel the fear,” she said, “and do it anyway.” Here’s more of her advice along with insights from our home-improvement horror stories contest winners:
Think through what you will have to deal with. “Even though we wanted a new kitchen,” said Arkansas reader Peggy James, “we should have done the bathroom first and not put up with that weird sink.” Prioritize, and be realistic about what you can do. “I can laugh now, but months without a kitchen was a horror.”
Follow your gut. Don’t assume “experts” know what they’re doing. If you suspect something isn’t right, check with your contractor or building inspector. Almost every remodeler who has had problems saw red flags ahead of time, Kussmaul said. In the waterproofing incident, Susan, a reader in New York, said she should have followed her hunch, called the manufacturer and e-mailed a photo of the waterproofing installation.
Expect the domino effect. Projects mushroom. You start out patching a hole in your roof; next you’re replacing the roof and converting the garage into a gym.
Relinquish control. Every project has a wild card, like the glue incident with Looie the cat. If you’re a control freak, or require order for sanity, don’t even try to remodel.
Keep your sense of humor. Despite the hassles, 80 percent of homeowners are happy with their remodel and would do it again, Kussmaul said; 20 percent wouldn’t dream of it. Susan, Peggy and Debra Lockwood of Alberta are among the 80 percent, and agree that laughter pulled them through. Today, they have a remodeled space they enjoy — and a free copy of my book “The House Always Wins.” Thanks to all of the readers who shared their stories and insights.
