Dear Margo: I’m a 20-something female. At my gym I made the mistake of politely saying hello to a stranger, a 50-ish male, because he said hi to me. In so doing, I unwittingly opened the floodgates to this man’s personal history (sexual exploits included), medical problems, unsolicited health advice, all of which he broadcasts in a detailed (and gross) monologue while I huff away on the bike, then the treadmill. My part in the conversation includes head nods and “uh-huhs.” I try to lose him by moving on to weights … to no avail. This began a year ago, and every time I see him he tries to engage me in these one-sided conversations about some woman he dated and her hot legs, or other equally uncomfortable tidbits. I’ve tried reading books while I do cardio, but then he comes up and suggests self-help books I should read to help my relationships or spiritual life. When I am listening to my Walkman, he talks over it. If I weigh myself, he’s there making sarcastic comments about my weight (I’m thin and petite). I’ve tried walking away after a polite head nod, even going at different times. Yet he’s always there, trapping not only me, but other people as well. He doesn’t seem to work out except for his mouth. This guy must be thicker than a neutron cloud in a sauna because he just doesn’t get it. How do I get him to leave me alone without being rude? — About To Pull a Van Gogh
Dear Ab: What’s wrong with rude? He sounds like such a clod that I’m not sure telling him to shut up would even register. Here’s a guy with no judgment and a big mouth who’s made you a captive audience and ruins your time at the gym. I hope you tell this jerk, next time he begins a monologue, “Would you please leave me alone? I have no interest in listening to you. I come here to work out.” You might also inform the manager. — Margo, defensively
A jerry and elaine situation, but only with jerry
Dear Margo: There is an old “Seinfeld” episode where Jerry and Elaine wait out a relationship so they can swoop in with the respective husband/wife. My situation is sort of like that. I was friends with this couple (we are all gay men), but now that they have broken up due to some terrible addiction on one partner’s part, I have become extremely close to “Mike.” My first instinct was to be a shoulder and an ear, since he tends to keep everything inside until he boils over. But now, as time passes, I find I have fallen in love with him. He has begun to move on with his life — new place, new outlook — and he’s doing really well. But he’s not quite in the same place I am and I don’t want to be his rebound guy. Neither do I want to be his friend forever and watch him end up with someone else.
We have many of the same interests and compatible viewpoints. How do I approach him and let him know my feelings without ruining everything? — Waiting in the Wings
Dear Wait: I would continue, for now, being his supportive friend. Try to be subtle, but find ways to highlight your compatibility and shared interests. Depending on circumstances, if the time feels right, you could just fall into an embrace. Or when you feel he is getting close to being “recovered,” you might ask if he’s ever considered the two of you together. There is an old canard that the first romance after a breakup doesn’t last, but of course this isn’t always true. However you choose to throw out a hint, his response should let you know which way the wind is blowing. Good luck. — Margo, tactically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
