Dear Abby: Please help me — I am in pieces. My sister is dying of cancer. She has shut me out of her life and has become very hostile toward me. This is breaking my heart, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I have done nothing to offend her, and I don’t understand why she is acting this way.
I understand that my sister is in pain and afraid, but I need her in my life because I love her. What can I do? — Caring Sister in North Carolina
Dear Caring Sister: I’m sorry about the sad prognosis your sister received. Many years ago, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five distinct emotional stages that a dying person may go through after being diagnosed with a terminal illness. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
However, people do not necessarily pass through all of these stages. Sometimes they get “stuck” — and it appears your sister hasn’t made it past the second stage. Spiritual or psychological counseling might help her. But if she’s unwilling to accept it, all you can do is let her know how much you love her, need her and will always miss her.
A grief support group might be very helpful for you, so check with the American Cancer Society at 800-227-2345 or visit .
Dear Abby: My husband and I were invited to a dinner party. Then our hostess told us that guests must bring their own plates and silverware or we would not be permitted to join the dinner. I thought it was extremely tacky; my husband saw no problem with it. What are your thoughts? — Dinner Guest in Denver
Dear Dinner Guest: Let’s put it this way — your hostess’s request was highly unusual. Perhaps the woman didn’t have enough china and silverware to accommodate all the people she wanted to come. Of course, she could have provided paper plates and plastic flatware — and that’s what you should have brought so you wouldn’t have had to carry home and wash your dirty dishes.
P.S. If you chose to attend the woman’s dinner party knowing the circumstances, it’s not very nice to now be biting the hand that fed you.
Write Dear Abby at . or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
