Dear Amy: My husband, son and I went to a state park. My husband wasn’t going in the water, but he took our son to the men’s changing room.
Our son saw the gym teacher from his school and ran up to him. My husband followed along and introduced himself. The teacher is in his mid-20s and was at the park with his girlfriend.
As they talked, the teacher, “Mr. Z,” continued to change into his swimsuit.
When they came out, my son ran up to me and said he saw Mr. Z. My husband added, “Yes, we saw all of Mr. Z.” Our son is 8, and we have not yet had a puberty talk.
How should my husband have reacted to Mr. Z? Was it proper for this teacher to change in front of my husband and son? Do we need to have a talk with our son? — Maryland Mom
Dear Mom: Teachers need to be careful in and out of school. This teacher should have been more circumspect. A student or that student’s family might misinterpret his behavior in a way that could have consequences for him professionally.
However, if you or your husband don’t want your son to see naked men, then you should avoid the changing room at a state park — even if your son uses a curtained changing booth, there is a high likelihood he will see nude children and adults on his way in or out.
“The puberty talk” isn’t one big talk, but many little conversations.
At 8 years old, your son should be comfortable with his own body and know the proper terms for his body parts. He also should feel free to ask questions or make observations. He should understand that his body will grow and change. If conveying this to your son constitutes a “puberty talk,” then by all means have it.
Dear Amy: Twenty years ago, naive and newly divorced from an abusive husband, I met and dated a charming, highly persuasive man who led me to believe he was single. When I finally realized that he was still married, making me a participant in an illicit affair, it so shocked and depressed me that I ended the relationship and moved away.
It took years of hard work to regain my sense of self-worth. When his wife died, I took his calls because he was depressed and lonely. I enjoyed his intellect and humor, but not his negativity and narcissism.
In recent years, each of us has gone through a family tragedy, and we supported each other, though his “support” was mainly negative in tone.
He now calls weekly. Though I care about his welfare, he drags me down and makes bad jokes about my efforts to be more positive and to move on in life.
Is it unfair of me to want to end or drastically reduce this phone relationship after this long history? He will be shocked and upset if I do. — Wavering
Dear Wavering: If you have tried to alter the tone of this relationship and have failed, then yes, it’s probably time to move on.
You have offered friendship and tolerance, and he has responded by belittling your efforts to lead a better life.
Friendship should be a balance, and it seems as if this friendship doesn’t hold much promise for you.
It sounds like it’s long past time for you to have ended this.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
