Dear Amy: Several years ago, I ventured into online dating for a few weeks before realizing that it wasn’t for me. During this time, I went out with a man a couple of times. He seemed very nice, but when I realized there wasn’t a spark, I was honest with him and politely told him that I did not see a future for us.
After this, he continued to e-mail me, and he sent flowers and presents, even though I continued to tell him that I was not interested. While I think this guy is harmless, some of the communications were disturbing. He said he had written a novel in which I was the heroine and talked about seeing clothes that he would love to buy for me. He seemed to have built up a fantasy about me in his mind.
At first, I tried to be nice, but finally I just stopped responding altogether. The last straw occurred when I came home one evening to find that he had delivered a bottle of wine to my doorstep. I live alone and felt vulnerable and violated. When this happened, I e-mailed him and told him that if he contacted me again, I would call the police.
This seemed to work for several months, but now he has started e-mailing jokes to me. Maybe I should just be flattered, but I’d really like this to stop. Any suggestions? — Creeped Out
Dear Creeped out: I agree that this is fairly creepy. Don’t contact this person — even to tell him to stop. Print out all of his e-mails and keep a record of all of his contact with you.
If he doesn’t hear from you, his contact may taper off, but if you are listed in his e-mail address book, he may be including you in group e-mails he sends to everyone in his address book, and you will continue to receive e-mails from him. Depending on the nature of these e-mails, you should consider changing your e-mail address — for instance, if he starts writing to you personally (and not just forwarding jokes or including you in mass mailings).
It is not a crime to contact someone or to send a person flowers or a bottle of wine, but you should contact the police if his behavior changes or if you feel menaced.
You should also educate yourself about stalking. The National Center for Victims of Crime offers helpful information and advice on stalking at .
Dear Amy: I am the proud father of an exceptionally gifted 7-year-old. We are struggling with finding ways to keep her engaged in school because she is so far ahead of her peers.
Can you suggest ways to help her continue her growth and love of knowledge? What worked for you? — John
Dear John: As an average person who raised an equally average person, this is an issue I have personally never had to tackle.
Your daughter’s school may offer academically enriched programs that will help her stay intellectually stimulated.
Work with her teacher and resource teacher to see what the school can offer. Your choice of schools is paramount. Your girl may do best at an academically rigorous charter or private school.
Give your daughter access to music, books and art outside of school. Help her to follow through on any of her special interests by leading her to books and online sources so she can learn more on any topic.
A book you might find helpful is, “Raising Gifted Kids: Everything You Need to Know to Help Your Exceptional Child Thrive,” by Barbara Klein (2006, Amacom).
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
