Dear Amy: Recently, I was in a public restroom at a large convention center in an area where no one else was around. Upon entering the restroom, a gentleman came out of the stall. I was rather uncomfortable and was about to blurt out, “Excuse me, but this is a ladies room.” But then it occurred to me that this person might be very masculine looking. He or she was wearing a baseball cap and very manly clothing.
I stopped myself because I did not want to be insulting, but I was also uncomfortable and nervous. I don’t care if the person was transsexual, but if it was in fact a man, I would have felt very unsafe.
What should I do if such a thing happens again in the future? — Catherine in Chicago
Dear Catherine: First I need to note that it is not a good idea to use a public facility in a large place where nobody is around.
When you enter any enclosed space, whether a rest- room or an elevator, you should follow your instincts. If any person makes you uncomfortable — for whatever reason — you should simply exit. You don’t have to say anything; you should just leave.
I once heard a security expert say that women’s fear of embarrassing or insulting someone else leaves us extremely vulnerable.
If you think a man is in the ladies room, you should tell security personnel. If the person is in fact a woman, a security person can face the consequences of the misunderstanding.
Dear Amy: I’ve been thinking about the letter from a woman who wants to have a child and her husband doesn’t want one. I was in the same situation 22 years ago.
I married a man, and we both agreed we never wanted children. We were both just 23.
As the years went by, I realized that I did indeed want children, but he never wavered. I steeled myself to never ask for his help with the baby and to continue to work full time so he wouldn’t have to support it.
I tried to convince him how great it would be.
After years of this, I had to make a choice — either I would have him and no baby, or I would have to find someone who wanted children.
In the end, we divorced over this issue. I found someone who wanted to have children with me. I now have three beautiful sons.
My advice is: Don’t force this man to have children with you. You need someone who wants it as badly as you do.You have to follow your heart in this matter. — Mom at Last
Dear Mom: I can think of no other issue between a couple that would be more challenging than this one.
Send questions to askamy@ or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
