SAN DIEGO — Baseball’s version of death — falling out of contention — is rapidly approaching. So it got me to thinking, as did the news that the guy who inspired “The Bucket List” died at 47.
Before this season gets put to bed, I’d like to see:
• Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner admit “Tommy Boy” is loosely based on his life story.
• The Dodgers show up in lab coats just to mock the perception their problem is chemistry. This team has issues beyond personalities. The pieces just don’t fit. Even Joe Torre, who is more a public face and media figure while third-base coach Larry Bowa does a lot of the heavy lifting, could tell you that.
• Rays president Matt Silverman declare that he will cut any player on the spot who plays the “no respect” card in the playoffs. Leave those lyrics to Aretha Franklin. That’s one sports cliche that needs to go the way of bell-bottom jeans and the Pet Rock.
• The Rockies acknowledge they can’t win next season without keeping Matt Holliday. He’s become a superstar, leaving Garrett Atkins the roster victim to find a legitimate middle-of-the-rotation starter.
• Maple bats banned. Somebody is going to die from a flying shard. Baseball has always been reactionary with its policies. This needs to be addressed before a fatality occurs involving a fan or a player.
• Jim Bowden explain his employment. The Nationals’ GM is Teflon — nothing sticks to this guy despite a litany of accusations and poor decisions.
• Red Sox fans stop whining when it’s revealed Josh Beckett won’t pitch in the postseason. No one has flexed their muscle and money more this month than the Red Sox, acquiring Paul Byrd and Mark Kotsay. Beckett’s return to the rotation has been delayed three times because of elbow discomfort. The Yankees lost Joba Chamberlain from their rotation, so it’s even.
• Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi junk his radio show. It’s been Jerry Springer-esque in his clashes with callers. What was once funny is getting awkward and ugly.
• CC Sabathia have a decent career after this season. The Brewers are milking him for every pitch he’s worth as they try to reach the playoffs.
• Prince Fielder demand a correction over the “Where’s the beef?” lines and announce he’s a meatatarian.
• A.J. Pierzynski enter synchronized diving in the 2012 Olympics after his beautiful dive last week in a win over Tampa Bay.
• Hall of Fame broadcaster Vin Scully look directly into a camera and tell Jeff Kent where to go. Kent taking on Scully is the equivalent of a Catholic picking on the Pope.
• Brad Lidge clinch the Phillies’ NL East title. After the postseason pain Lidge endured as an Astro — remember Albert Pujols’ shot heard around the Southwest? — the Cherry Creek alum deserves a new defining snapshot.
• Manny Ramirez’s next contract to have incentives for hustling. Every time he clocks more than five seconds to first base, he’s docked $50,000.
• Tim Lincecum win the Cy Young Award. Brandon Webb is currently more deserving. But if Lincecum somehow reaches 20 wins, he could surpass him.
• The Cubs win the World Series. If that 100-year curse is broken, funerals will become booming business in Chicago, with many folks dying happy.
Giant feat.
Giants closer Brian Wilson is a story of faith and perseverance. He lost his father as a teen, then lost his way for years. He was a wild child, covering his body in tattoos. His career on the brink, Wilson found God in the minor leagues. Usually that creates rolled eyes from reporters, but it provided stability in his life.
Now, the only thing crazy is his talent. Wilson leads the National League in saves with 36 saves. In a four-out save against the Rockies last week, he routinely hit 98 mph. Wilson made an important decision in the minors, telling one of his first managers to move him to the bullpen. He knew his personality couldn’t deal with the four-day hiatus between starts.
“I am much more comfortable knowing I can be out there all the time,” Wilson said.
Footnotes.
Any argument about the game’s top rotations ends with the Cubs. They have the best 1-2-3 punch with Carlos Zambrano, Ryan Dempster and Rich Harden. Dempster lives in Golden, and it would be nice to see the Rockies make a serious run at him this offseason as a free agent. . . . Matt Herges would like to return to Colorado next season, but he will have to finish strong to even be under consideration. . . . The Rockies need to call to see what it would take to get Marlins second baseman Dan Uggla, of whom manager Clint Hurdle has long been a big fan. Uggla figures to get too pricey on a team filled with arbitration-eligible players. The A’s Mark Ellis is another second-base option that should be considered.
