“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
These are the words Sarah Palin must have heard two or three months ago from her daughter Bristol, 17.
They are the words thousands of parents hear every day across America.
They are the words I heard 6½ years ago from my 18-year-old, unmarried daughter, Megan.
I was overcome with fear, concern, anger, disappointment, frustration, betrayal, longing and love, all reeling within me at once. And yet, I have to admit, I wasn’t surprised.
In Megan’s circle of friends, one girl had had a miscarriage, another an abortion and a third had given up her baby in an open adoption.
Sexual attitudes — even when family values, abstinence and birth control are openly discussed in the home — are so much more free and without embarrassment in Generation Y that 21st century parents can only keep their fingers crossed that their son or daughter does not become a young, unmarried dad or mom.
As parents, we know what the pitfalls are, what our children are giving up, how their lives are forever changed. I ached for Megan, who had dreamed of college and dancing on the stage. I understood, even if she didn’t, her loneliness, her apprehensions, her naivete.
I was raised in the 1950s and ’60s, when pregnant teenage girls were shunted off to aunts and grandparents or “homes for unwed mothers.” Or, worse, who were married off at the age of 14. And they all had to leave school. We talked about them in whispers. Our mothers set these girls up as bad examples, with a heavy hand toward the shame brought on the family. My own mother cut me off from a high school friend who merely thought she was pregnant: “Guilt by association.”
However, these 20th century attitudes were a step up from the times of Nathaniel Hawthorne who, in 1850, wrote “The Scarlet Letter” about 17th century Hester Prynne, forced to wear a large “A” embroidered to her dress because her child was the product of adultery.
I am hopeful the American public will not pin an invisible “A” on Bristol Palin. This is not the first politician’s child to exhibit behavior that goes against society’s perceived norm of the time.
In the early 1900s, Alice Roosevelt, President Theodore Roosevelt’s oldest child, was known for her shocking antics in Washington, D.C., including (gasp!) smoking cigarettes in public. Teddy was frustrated and admitted that he could not control his daughter.
President Martin Van Buren, who served from 1837-41, was troubled by the conduct of his son, John, an addicted gambler and known ladies’ man.
And Franklin Roosevelt’s offspring were no prizes when it came to sustaining successful families. As author Doug Wead puts it, “The five Roosevelt children had 19 marriages between them.”
Even presidents have come from less-than-perfect homes. In 1913, Gerald Ford’s mother left his father when the future chief executive was just 16 days old.
This is an imperfect world with imperfect people. There are men and women we hold up as mentors; we need them as guides to making the world a better place. And when they fall from their leadership role — be it as politician, teacher, clergy or judge — we have a right to ask for accountability. But when their family members fall short, we, as decent human beings, must show the compassion we would ask for ourselves.
The reality at the moment an unwanted, unplanned, unwed pregnancy is revealed is that each family must gauge for itself what is best for all concerned.
I do not believe in abortion, but I will not tell a family that it is the wrong road for them. I think adoption has strong merit and is one that I offered up to Megan early in her pregnancy. But at 18, the choice was hers.
Today, my grandson, Bentley, is in the first grade. Last week, he got 100 percent on a math paper. He loves Legos, Transformers and the movie “Wall-E.” He is an adored member of this family, including by my 86-year-old mother, because to do otherwise would create separation and isolation and that is unacceptable.
It has not been easy. My family has struggled financially and emotionally. We know others have questioned our decisions along the way. But we have matured and grown closer. Our rewards are great and there is no shame.
Barack Obama said last week, following the news of Bristol Palin’s pregnancy, “I think people’s families are off-limits. . . . This shouldn’t be part of politics.”
I couldn’t agree with him more, just as I couldn’t agree more with Sarah Palin’s decision to stand by her daughter.
Nancy Nemec (nnemec@denverpost.com) is an editorial writer for The Denver Post.
