Dear Amy: Last semester I confessed to my professor that I like him.
I asked him out. He said he considered my offer but that he doesn’t date his students.
Did he only say that not to embarrass me? I’ve never had a boyfriend before, and I’m very attracted to older guys.
Is it good for me to pursue my intentions of having a relationship with him, or am I only setting myself up for failure? — Summer
Dear Summer: You should not be pursuing your professor. Regardless of your attraction to older men, it is completely inappropriate for you to have a romantic relationship with someone in a position of authority over you.
Many universities have policies against professors’ dating students because when you date someone who has control over your grades or assignments, this power is easily abused.
Because you’ve never dated before, you should start by getting to know people in your own age group.
Dear Amy: On a visit to meet our son’s future in-laws, we noticed our son’s focus on money.
My wife then sent him an e-mail expressing her concern about his focus. She had expressed concern about this issue on two prior occasions.
We heard nothing from him for two months, despite leaving repeated messages on his voice mail.
I finally contacted him at work, and the conversation was very hostile. I terminated the conversation.
A few days later, both his mother and I spoke with him. In essence, he said he no longer wished to receive advice from us. He said he did not want a relationship.
At that point, we said we could not attend his wedding if he felt that way.
Our son is 35 and a successful attorney. We co-signed for student loans, lent him money while in law school and also lent him the down payment for a house. All loans were repaid after a bit of reluctance on his part.
When we asked why he has this hostility toward us, all he said was, “You know the reason.” Until this happened, we thought we had a good relationship with him.
Should we go to the wedding? — Perplexed
Dear Perplexed: Your son is 35 years old. He repaid money you lent him over the years. It is one thing to express concern over your son’s materialism or values, but to do so repeatedly to a grown man is over the top.
If you are still invited to his wedding, you should attend. Not attending would cause a breach that you might not ever be able to repair.
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