Dear Margo: I work in the vacation rental industry, and the company I work with manages more than a thousand beach cottages and condos in the Deep South. This means we have over a thousand cottage owners and tens of thousands of guests. Never in my life did I think so many people could be so unhappy about vacations! I am amazed every day by vacation guests who go on vacation just to be miserable. Then we have the homeowners who make good money renting their cottages, but get very unhappy when they have to spend money on the upkeep of their properties. There isn’t a day that goes by that someone isn’t yelling at me. I’m in my mid-50s and have decided not to allow people to yell at me any longer. When someone starts yelling, I ask them to stop, and if they don’t, I either walk away or lay the phone down until they realize no one is there. I have been accused of not giving good customer service because I won’t tolerate the yelling, but I have already had one heart attack due to stress and don’t want another. Why do so many people enjoy being miserable when it is so easy to be happy? — Not a Beach Bum
Dear Not: Ah, you sound like a philosopher, as well as a rental agent. From the outside, it might seem that people who could either afford to own vacation cottages or rent them would have a certain level of comfort that would allow them to be on an even keel. Real life, however, has taught us that economic security does not correlate to emotional calm. It’s not that people “enjoy being miserable”; it’s that they respond to whatever flies in the ointment present themselves. When there are not serious problems, people respond to anything perceived as an annoyance … and that becomes the “serious problem” of the moment. And I applaud your response to yelling. — Margo, philosophically
When the weight watchers are the family
Dear Margo: I’m writing to see if you could help sort out a problem we have with our mom. As a person, she is wonderful in many ways and always the peacemaker in the family. However, she is grossly overweight, so much so that her doctor warned her that she has less than five years to live if this keeps up. That was four years ago. Since then, she has developed Type 2 diabetes and arthritis. Her physique has deteriorated to the point where she can only take short walks. My sister and I have tried every tactic for the last four years, from nagging to buying her fitness videos and diabetic cookbooks. We preach healthier food options, but she tells us, “Gotta have chocolate once in a while.” This translates to three bars every day. In desperation, we had a frank sit-down with her, mentioning the times that she will never live to see … like the weddings or our college graduations or the grandchildren she will never meet if she does not lose weight. I think she took our advice to heart, but I don’t have much hope her resolve will last. She has no real support but us. — Lurching Along
Dear Lurch: Any correction of compulsive behavior has to be implemented by the person with the problem. Were that not the case, concerned friends and family could sober up loved ones and cure them of eating disorders or gambling addictions. If she is motivated to tackle her problem, there is Overeaters Anonymous or behavior modification therapy. If your mom continues along the path she’s on, she will be doing her version of what Kurt Vonnegut called “suicide by cigarette.” What is important for you and your sister to know is that you have done everything you could, and that her well-being is, alas, a do-it-yourself project. — Margo, honestly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
