They are the theater equivalent of war stories: Tales of onstage pratfalls, accidents and public humiliations. And they’re the kinds of things that happen to a lousy acting company pretty much from start to finish in Michael Frayn’s brilliant farce, “Noises Off.”
If mistakes happen in film or TV, they get fixed long before you ever see them. In theater, they play out before a live — and snickering — audience. It’s the actor’s nightmare.
“If you ask people their greatest fear they’ll say it’s not death — it’s standing in front of people and speaking,” said actor Brent Harris. “In some ways, it’s the most extreme kind of fear you can feel.”
Sometimes, even higher powers conspire against actors. Harris was in a production of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” in Seattle when noted clown Jeff Hoyle, who was playing Bottom, recited the line, “I will move storms.”
“And at that moment, an earthquake hit,” said Harris. “I heard this rumble, like somebody had kicked a big oil barrel across the ceiling. Ten seconds later, everyone’s running around going crazy, and I’m backstage in this Batman-like lizard suit watching the floors do this and the walls do that.”
We asked the principal cast of the Denver Center Theatre Company’s “Noises Off,” opening Thursday, to revisit their past onstage calamities, those real-life equivalents of the scripted disasters that happen throughout a comedy that requires precision timing — and plentiful door- slamming.
“That’s the scary thing about ‘Noises Off,’ ” said Megan Byrne. “There are all these doors — and so there’s always the potential for disaster.”
David Ivers
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He plays: Garry Lejeune/Roger Tramplemain in “Noises Off”
“We were on this endless bus- and-truck tour of ‘The Taming of the Shrew,’ and one day, Sam Gregory is sitting behind me on the bus reading some magazine. He says, ‘Did you know that before you have a stroke, you have the overwhelming sensation of the smell of burnt toast?’ And I was like, ‘No, I did not know that.’ So it becomes this ongoing joke in rehearsal, like, ‘I smell burnt toast!’ So our production is set in the 1950s, and I’m playing Hortensio, and when he changes into a music teacher, he’s Elvis Presley. And eventually our tour gets to Memphis, the land of Elvis. And in the show, I have this huge entrance where I kick the door open and come in as Elvis. But in Memphis, when I come in, it’s 2,500 crickets who are like, ‘If we ever see another Elvis . . . ‘ I’m just standing there, dying. And then, from behind me, I hear Sam Gregory in this mousy little voice, whispering, “I smell toast. . . .”
Sam Gregory
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He plays: Lloyd Dallas (the director)
“Randy Moore was starring in ‘The Imaginary Invalid’ at the Denver Center but he got stuck in Texas, and so one night Tony Church went on in his place. Basically all he had to do was sit in the chair and read because, after all, he’s ‘the imaginary invalid.’ About two-thirds into the first act, on comes Randy Moore, dressed fully in character, just like the guy in the chair. So Tony Church stands up, and the two shake hands. Randy Moore sits down in the chair, and my next line is something like, ‘You really don’t seem yourself.’ It was a very ‘Noises Off’ moment.”
Kate Skinner
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She plays: Dotty Otley/ Mrs. Clackett
“I made my Broadway debut playing Sonya in ‘Uncle Vanya,’ with the great Werner Klemperer playing Serebryakov. He was still vital, but by this time he was 75. Now, there’s this blackout at the end of the third act, and we’re supposed to exit together. But one night during the blackout, I hear this noise and I see that Werner is going out up the aisle through the audience. So I grab him back and take him off. I told him, ‘Let me lead you,’ but he says, ‘Oh, no, no, no.’ Two nights later during the blackout, I hear an even bigger crash, and he’s now actually fallen into the audience. So I go out and extract him and bring him off, and I say, ‘What happened?’ He says, ‘I fell over the chair — and my hand went right into a lady’s crotch.’ And so I say, ‘Well it’s probably the best time she ever had seeing Chekhov.’ But from then on, he let me lead him off.”
Brent Harris
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He plays: Frederick Fellowes/Philip Brent
“I was playing Lloyd in ‘Noises Off’ for this low-rent summer-rep company. It was toward the end of the season, and the prop department was less than optimal. One of the key props is a cactus, and they had built theirs on a sharp coat hanger that they stuck Styrofoam on. One day, the guy playing Garry decided to use a little extra force with the cactus. I was bent over, and I was impaled. I screamed bloody murder. I had to go the hospital and get a tetanus shot and explain why. …”
Megan Byrne
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She plays: Belinda Blair/ Flavia Brent
“I was doing a production of ‘The Playboy of the Western World’ in Salt Lake City, and we little Irish lassies were waiting to come into the cottage that Christy is hiding out in, and he doesn’t want anyone to find him. There was only one entrance into the cottage, and we can’t come in. The door is completely locked. So we’re standing outside trying to let him know that we’re not coming in. I’ve got a basket of eggs and we’re ad-libbing things like, ‘Oh, we can’t wait to go in and get these eggs inside the house.’ . . . ‘Oh, we’d love to be showing Christy these eggs, if only the door would open. . . .’ This poor guy is hiding from us under a table and yet, he had to figure out how to get over and unlock the door to let us in. The scene was completely botched.”
Morgan Hallett
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She plays: Poppy Norton-Taylor
“I was in college and I played Rose, who’s sort of the slow sister, in ‘Dancing at Lughnasa.’ In the scene where we all decide to go to the dance, I’m supposed to say, ‘We’re off . . . We’re away!’ Easy line, right? But I said, ‘We’re off . . . to see the Wizard?’ I don’t know what happened to me. But I just started singing that song, and I watched everyone’s faces go white. Then I just stopped, and waited for someone else to clean up my mess.”
Philip Pleasants
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He plays: Selsdon Mowbray
“Back in the early ’70s, I was at the Alliance Theatre in Atlanta, and we were doing Erskine Caldwell’s ‘Tobacco Road.’ I had the singular honor of playing old Jeeter Lester. They dressed me in a coverall with no shirt, and every night I was just covered in this real, Georgia red clay dirt. I was muddied and just as sleazy as they could possibly make me, which wasn’t hard. One night, next door in the symphony hall, this young conductor, James Levine, was doing a performance of Gustav Mahler’s 5th Symphony, which I loved. And because I had a nice slice of time off during the play, I thought I would go through the door and into the auditorium to hear a few strands. It was during the adagietto movement, which was lush, romantic, and I was just stunned with the absolute beauty of the whole thing — until I realized I should be getting back. So I went to the door and . . . it’s locked. That’s when the horror started. I was in a panic, sweating, and the only way out was through the house, up the side aisle. So I walk out and the stunned, glittering patrons look over to see this creature coming out. But that side of the house was filled with wheelchairs, and I thought, ‘Well, I cannot go through them.’ So I ended up walking right in front of the orchestra and down the center aisle as Jeeter Lester. I thought I was gonna die.”
Kate MacCluggage
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She plays: Brooke Ashton/Vicki
“I was doing a really, really bad production of ‘The Tempest’ in Harlem. The set was like someone had found some ski poles and put a piece of plywood on top and called it a platform. One minute we were playing security guards with guns, and then we had to make this quick change into goddesses in these old prom dresses, and mine was made for someone who was much smaller than me. It would only zip up halfway, and the only person who could help me was this poor Japanese kid who couldn’t speak English. He went to zip me up and it (the zipper) came right out of the dress. And of course, he only had one safety pin, because that was our ration. So we’re out doing this Tina Turner routine, of course — like you do in ‘The Tempest’ — and at one point the two other goddesses look over at me with these shocked expressions. They came right over to me and literally go (clamping her hands over her breasts) and the song went on. So we did our own choreography — with their hands on my bosom. And of course, that was the show my parents had come to see.”
Michael Keyloun
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He plays: Tim Allgood
“My story’s more about what goes on backstage. The last time I was in Denver, I was in ‘Jesus Hates Me,’ playing the victim of a failed suicide attempt. At the top of the show, I come on and re-enact, in memory, this attempt at shooting myself. So I show up onstage, and in this quick blackout, I pick up this poof that’s just chock full of charcoal powder and smash it on my face. Lights come up, quick sight gag. My next entrance is two years later, so I have to book off stage, get to the dressing room and take a shower, get dressed and show up at the makeup room, where I would get this sort of microwaved, silicone goop squeezed all over my neck to make a scar. Then it was filled in with makeup. Then I needed to put a mic pack on and then the pièce de resistance was that my bald spot was sprayed over with hair so I looked more like the 19- year-old I was supposed to be playing. All in 20 minutes.”
John Moore: 303-954-1056 or jmoore@denverpost.com
“Noises Off”
Comic farce. Presented by the Denver Center Theatre Company at the Stage Theatre, Denver Performing Arts Complex. Through Nov. 1. Currently in previews, opens Friday. 6:30 p.m. Mondays-Thursdays; 7:30 p.m. Fridays; 1:30 and 7:30 p.m. Saturdays. $34-$51. 303-893-4100, King Soopers or .
A note on the review
Normally you would be able to expect a Denver Center Theatre Company review the Monday following its Thursday night opening. But the opening for “Noises Off” will be Friday, Oct. 10, in deference to Yom Kippur the night before. That means our review of “Noises Off” will not be published until the following Tursday, Oct. 16. Look for it in our weekly Room section.
This week’s video podcast: “Love Changes Everything”
This week, our podcast goes video: John Moore and videographer Ray Bailey bring you excerpts and interviews from a benefit performance hosted Monday by Natalie Jensen that raised more than $6,500 for the Pikes Peak Region Peace Officers’ Memorial and Susan G. Komen for the Cure-Colorado Springs. Speakers, performers and interviewees include Jensen, Amy Board, Joanie Brousseau-Beyette, Paul Dwyer, Brantley Haines, Kitty Skillman-Hilsabeck, Robert Hoppe, Sally Hybl, Karla Kruse, Nick Madson, Scott Rathbun, Christopher Sergeeff, Michelle Sergeeff, Jeremy Sortore, Randy St. Pierre, Shannan Steele, Halee Towne, Shannon Wallnutt, Sharon Kay White, Markus Warren, Tracy Warren, and police officers in attendance from Westminster and Colorado Springs. Recorded Sept. 29, 2008. Run time: 11 minutes.
How to donate to the cause(s)
The video above lists a phone number to call to donate to the two causes this concert benefited. But the preferred method of donating is directly through either organization’s web site. To donate to Pikes Peak Region Peace Officers’ Memorial, To donate to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure-Colorado Springs,
Read our interview with Natalie Jensen
The actor and widow of Colorado Springs police officer Jared Jensen speaks publicly for the first time about why it was important for her to create her benefit concert, “Love Changes Everything.”
This week’s theater openings
Opening Thursday, through Nov. 1: Shadow’s “Joe Turner’s Come and Gone”
Friday-Nov. 1: Denver Center Theatre Company’s “Noises Off” (at the Stage Theatre)
Friday-Oct. 26: Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center’s “Biloxi Blues”
Friday-Oct. 26: openstage etc’s “The Oldest Profession” Fort Collins
Friday-Nov. 8: Victorian Playhouse’s “Tales of the Night” (“Sorry, Wrong Number,” “The Hitch-Hiker” and “The War of the Worlds”)
Friday-Oct. 25: Theatre Company of Lafayette’s “The Jollies”
Friday-Nov. 2: Hunger Artists’ “Haunted” (at Byers-Evans House)
Friday-Nov. 8: Firehouse’s “Sleuth”
Friday-Oct. 19: Performance Now’s “Pump Boys and Dinettes” Lakewood
Friday-Oct. 18: Stage Left’s “Wit” Salida
This week’s theater closings
Closing Saturday, Aug. 11: Thunder River’s “Quilters” Carbondale
Oct 12: Union Colony Dinner Theatre’s “Jekyll & Hyde” Greeley
Oct. 12: Germinal Stage-Denver’s “Tiny Alice”
Oct. 12: Aurora Fox’s “Escanaba In Love”
Most recent theater openings
“Blithe Spirit” Noel Coward’s spooky society comedy about a novelist whose dead wife is summoned from beyond. Through Oct. 31. Gaslight Theatre, 7287 Lowell Blvd., Westminster, 720-232-7285 or
“Frankenstein of Cripple Creek” Thin Air Theatre’s Cripple Creek retelling of Mary Shelley’s classic horror story. Through Nov. 1. 139 E. Bennett Ave., Cripple Creek, 719-235-8944 or
“Magdalene, Woman of Light” One of the great mysteries of the Bible concerns the true relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Now comes the premiere of a new Colorado-grown musical, “Magdalene, Woman of Light,” that weaves the story of Mary’s life from her birth in Egypt and early training as a high priestess, to Jesus’ elevation of her as the first of his apostles, the subsequent conflict with the apostle Peter. Stars Marika Reisberg as Magdalene, Natalie Oliver-Atherton, above, (Broadway’s “Once On This Island”) as Mother Wisdom and Steven J. Burge (“Dog Sees God”) as Peter. Through Oct. 19. New Denver Civic Theatre, 721 Santa Fe Dr., 303-309-3773, , TicketsWest or King Soopers stores.
“Mr. Marmalade” It’s tough to be a 4-year-old in these difficult times. Lucy’s imaginary friend, Mr. Marmalade, doesn’t have much time for her. Not to mention, he beats up his personal assistant, has a cocaine addiction and a penchant for pornography. Presented by Next Stage at the Aurora Fox Studio Theatre, 9900 E. Colfax Ave., 303-364-9998 or
“Murderers” In Jeffrey Hatcher’s dark comedy, Gerald, Lucy and Minka are all murderers — and they’re residents of the Riddle Key Retirement Community. A surprisingly upbeat tale with macabre twists and ironic turns. Through Nov. 2. Vintage Theatre, 2119 E. 17th Ave., 303-839-1361 or
“Welcome . . . to Murder Mortuary” Colorado’s only mystery dinner theater cordially invites you to Dr. Orlock’s “Welcome Home” masquerade party. Costumes are encouraged. Through Nov. 1. Adams Mystery Playhouse, 2406 Federal Blvd., 303-455-1848 or
– Compiled by John Moore
Complete theater listings
Go to our complete list of every currently running production in Colorado, including summaries, run dates, addresses, phones and links to every company’s home page.
