Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for six years, and every year without fail, my mother- in-law takes over plans for the holidays by telling my husband and his two siblings what foods to prepare, what gifts to bring, the time to get together and at whose house the event will be.
Even though her son- and daughters-in-law still have living parents, my mother-in-law insists that the actual holiday be spent with her. We all live in the same town and visit her often the rest of the year, so I am at a loss why she believes we should all spend the holidays with only her.
On the one occasion that I spent part of a Christmas Day with my parents (my husband did not offer to go with me), she bad-mouthed me to my husband’s siblings and all were quite put out with me when I arrived later.
For the last two years when the holidays have been at my house, she has criticized me during my Christmas dinner.
When I pulled my husband aside to tell him my feelings were hurt, he told me to “let it go” because it was Christmas.
My husband and I have been to a counselor for problems in the relationship. The counselor has advised my husband to stand up for me, but he has yet to do so. Can you help? — Scrooged
Dear Scrooged: Your counselor correctly identified the solution to this problem by advising your husband to get more engaged — and not just stand up for you, but stand up for himself.
This holiday season, you should identify some clear boundaries that will make things better for you. If you want to spend some time with your parents on Christmas Day, you should do so. Let your husband know your plans well in advance and invite him to join you.
I do agree with your husband on this point — you must figure out a way to let some things go. If your mother-in-law bad-mouths you to others, this reflects poorly on her, not on you. If she criticizes you to your face, stand up for yourself.
You should continue with counseling. You and your husband need to become more of a team.
Dear Amy: A friend of mine witnessed two people destroying property when he saw them smashing windows in a supermarket late at night. He promptly dialed 911.
When the police arrived he gave them a perfect description of the two thugs involved. When the police caught them, he sat in a police cruiser and identified the subjects in question.
I feel the city and the supermarket have ignored him. I think they should present him with an award of courage for the brave thing he did; shouldn’t they? — Wondering Friend
Dear Wondering: Your friend did the right thing — as any citizen witnessing a crime should do. He should be thanked. He should also be proud that he responded well in a challenging situation.
But does he deserve an award for bravery for being an alert and concerned citizen and for dialing 911 and working with the police to catch the bad guys? I don’t think so.
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