Dear Amy: Should I be worried if my 12-year-old son in middle school is not as socially active as he has always been? He goes to school dances and football games; he plays sports on teams; he does great in school in all advanced classes; but his social life has changed dramatically over the past few months.
A number of his best friends play football, and my son plays soccer. A lot of his old friends are maturing and going through puberty, and my son has not.
I feel like there is a social scene going on there that he is left out of. He never uses the computer to communicate with friends; he doesn’t have or want a cellphone; and he is not interested in girls.
On the whole, even though he is spending a lot of time at home hanging out with us (which is nice) he does not appear to be sad or lonely.
Is there something I can do to help him? He still has friends who sometimes call (not like it used to be and not his favorite friends), and I am trying to encourage new friendships and for him to be in touch with friends and fellow teammates.
I just don’t know if I should be worried or if I should just lighten up! I am trying not to project my feelings into the situation.
I just want him to be happy and included. — Middle School Mom
Dear Mom: You are wise to watch your son’s social life for sudden changes, but the school year is just over a month old. Don’t make too much of this.
Puberty is the great parting of the Red Sea in sixth and seventh grades. Some boys will be sprouting sideburns and asking girls out while other boys will cling a little longer to their pre-adolescent routines. Continue to encourage him to make new friends and alliances. Soccer sounds like the perfect sport for your boy, and if he continues to be enthusiastic about it — and his schoolwork — you should embrace his choices.
Dear Amy: My nephew is getting married next year. I love him dearly, but I don’t see it in my budget to go to his extravagant wedding.
This is my only nephew, and I feel obligated to go. But I also feel hurt that my nephew is ignoring my e-mails and calls me only once a year. I know he is busy and has a fiancee and job, etc. But I have a life too and still contact my loved ones.
I can try my hardest and make sacrifices to go to his wedding.
Should I attend? — Confused Aunt
Dear Aunt: If you love your nephew dearly, then go to his wedding.
He is your only link to the younger generation of your clan. If you attend, you may find that you are more appreciated than you realize — and you may find other family members you can reconnect with in person.
Don’t break the bank or go into debt to do this, but there is a good chance you would regret it if you do not attend. Weddings are joyful events, and they can inspire you to forge new relationships.
Dear Amy: I am responding to a letter from “Polar Bear,” who doesn’t like to be hugged.
So Polar Bear does not like to be hugged by anyone other than family and close friends, eh? Please don’t suggest the “sidewinder.” It’s surely one of the most offensive maneuvers ever dreamed up by those of you who want to avoid contact with those of us who are simply being what we consider friendly.
If I’m open enough to offer to hug you, please be respectful enough to advise me that you don’t want a hug before I get close.
— Open-Hearted
Dear Open-Hearted: In social interchanges, the ideal is for everyone to find a greeting that is respectful of the other person’s preferences and comfort.
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