As the parent of four students attending three different schools, I have the opportunity to spend time in the classroom on a regular basis.
I’ve been volunteering weekly for ten years. My motives aren’t completely altruistic: Yes, I want to help the teachers. They do a job I never could, not in my wildest dreams. And every year, they’re expected to do more with less.
But volunteering also keeps me in touch with the other people my children spend the majority of their time with Monday through Friday. I get a good feel for not only the staff, but the other children. What I never counted on is how hard it is to leave behind what I see every time I work with these kids.
Every year, it seems to get worse. Children are sent to school without having completed their homework. In the lower grades, that homework is often nothing more than reading for 15 minutes and practicing math facts for 5. I sit in a second-grade classroom each week and listen to children who cannot read simple one- and two-syllable words without help sounding them out. Children who can’t look at the equation 5 plus 3 and tell me it equals 8.
These children are not learning disabled in any way; there is no excuse for them not to know how to read or add.
I’ve worked with fourth-grade students as well who can’t figure basic multiplication without using their fingers to count. It’s the same students every time, throughout their school career. And I’m one of the lucky ones; my experience takes place in a relatively strong school system.
The pattern starts early. Children are not made to complete their homework, and when their grades suffer, those parents who were nowhere to be found suddenly appear in front of a teacher’s desk or on the other end of the phone and want to know why their child is doing so poorly.
What is the teacher doing wrong? And then, when it’s become obvious that poor Billy isn’t going to master the skills he needs to successfully complete the grade he is in, those same parents will not allow him to be held back because it will make him (and them) feel bad.
Eventually these kids get to high school, and then we wonder why so many of them can’t perform simple math computation or write a decent paragraph with complete sentences and accurate punctuation.
The problem is not limited to academics. I see kids who obviously have not brushed their teeth or even combed their hair. I work closely enough with them that I can see ear wax sticking out, yellow and thick.
My heart aches for them, that they have parents who conceived them, but who don’t/won’t do what is necessary to raise them with a sense of pride and self-esteem.
I realize there are parents doing everything within their power to get from one day to the next. None of us is perfect, and some days, good enough has to be good enough.
But I also see parents whose focus is everywhere but on their children, and that’s who I’m speaking about here: those who give birth and then foolishly believe these little people can raise themselves.
You parents who can’t be bothered, wake up. Your laziness and lack of responsibility and caring is a drain on all of us. Your kids are holding back the rest of them because the teacher has to repeat and repeat and repeat the same information. They waste everyone’s time because you do not expect anything of them, and when someone does, they see it as a punishment, an impossibility.
You who can’t bring yourself to teach your child self control, your kid is a holy terror who interrupts and disrupts and corrupts. Nobody likes him, and he knows it.
And he needs you to help him become the person he wants to be. He doesn’t need another video game, or an iPod, or whatever other gadget you think will make him happy. He needs you. Your time. Your attention.
Schools aren’t perfect, and neither are teachers. There are some who should hang it up and call it a day, who are just biding their time until retirement. There are some who have lost their enthusiasm, who have become so jaded they are more of a hindrance than a hope.
But I believe people choose to become teachers because they want to make this world a better place. It’s a partnership between parent and educator, this endeavor of educating our children. And when one partner fails to pull his weight, the other must shoulder a more cumbersome load.
Temporarily, under extenuating circumstances, it can be done. But on a regular basis, when one adult is responsible for an entire classroom of children, that load becomes a burden not even the best and brightest teachers can carry. Parents must make time—sacrifices, even—for their children. This isn’t a new concept, but it seems to be falling more and more to the wayside.
It’s time to stop blaming the system. Step up to the plate and be the parent your child deserves.
No one else can do that for you.
Rebecca Valentine (mzwrite@frii.com) owns a writing and editorial service in Windsor, where she’s raising her four children.
