Dear Margo: I am a 28-year-old professional woman. My father raised my sister and me by himself and did a great job. He even had to fight for custody of us because in the early ’80s not many fathers got custody of two daughters. We’ve always had a great relationship. His luck with women, however, is terrible. He lets women walk all over him to avoid confrontation. He is now on his fourth marriage (two of them to my mother). He lived with his current wife for seven years before they married two years ago. I cannot stand her. Even her sons say she is a gold-digger. Not only that, but she treats him miserably. I’ve tried to get along with her. I even invited them on my vacation to Ireland last year, and she ruined it for everyone (there were five of us).
She is the most selfish, childish woman I’ve ever met, and in Ireland I finally told my father how I felt about her in blunt terms. Even he agrees that she acts inappropriately and childishly. By not doing anything about it, however, I feel my father has chosen her over me. (Before this trip, he knew my dislike of her, but I had not previously been so frank.) Even before the trip she’d caused a gap in my relationship with my father. I used to visit quite regularly, as he only lives an hour and a half away, but now I only visit four times a year, if that. I don’t want to lose my father, but I cannot stand the way she treats him, and he just accepts it. At what point do I accept that I’ve lost my father, or is there anything I can do? — Feeling Orphaned
Dear Feel: This woman doesn’t sound so much like the wicked stepmother as the lamentable wife. My guess is that your confrontation-averse, four-times-married father has chosen to live with his mistake rather than divorce her, so you can quit holding your breath for that one. To acknowledge the elephant in the room, see your father without what’s-her-name for lunches or dinners. He has not chosen her over you, he is just trapped — though the situation is certainly of his own making. It is sad to watch a parent exhibit weak behavior, but we soldier on. — Margo, enduringly
TV or Not TV?
Dear Margo: A friend of mine works for the local cable company and had “free” (stolen) cable hooked up at our house. At first I did not feel bad about the cable theft, but as I began feeling more and more guilty about it, I have also become more frustrated about the way cable has affected my family. All my children and husband do anymore is watch TV or argue over what to watch. It is sad and depressing. I disconnected the cable, finally, but my husband reconnected it while I was not home. I would like to contact the cable company but do not want to get anyone in trouble for theft. How do I deal with this really stupid situation? — Little Bit Stumped
Dear Lit: I will not linger over the irony of your situation, but I suspect it has occurred to you that that which you would not pay for but got for free is making a mess of your family life. As for keeping friends and family out of the hoosegow, I think your best bet is to call your cable company friend and ask him to fix it so your husband cannot reconnect it. If this is beyond him (and I have no technical acquaintance with the workings of hooking up cable), ask him, as a favor, to tell your husband that he needs to either pay for the service or give it up because the company is clamping down about determining who has or has not paid. — Margo, paradoxically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
