Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 34 years, and we have two sons and two daughters. Both sons and one daughter are married. All the in-laws live within 15 miles of us.
For Thanksgiving, I have our dinner on Friday after Thanksgiving so the kids can go to their in-laws’. And our Christmas dinner is on Christmas Eve.
This way we are all together, and the kids do not have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. It has been working for my family for more than 10 years. — Happier at Home
Dear Amy: My husband’s parents are divorced, as are mine, so with four sets of parents to see in one day, frustration and resentment often ensue.
Since we started inviting the entire family to our house, our holidays have become so much easier. There are no presents to haul across town, in-laws don’t complain that we are spending more time with the “other side” of the family and, best of all, I get to keep all the leftovers if no one else takes them home! It’s also extremely rewarding to stand back and watch our entire family enjoying all the food and gifts in my own house, and when the evening’s over and I can barely stand on my feet anymore, I know that I don’t have a long drive home.
We recently added to our family (we have an 8-month-old daughter), so it will be that much easier knowing we will not have to load and unload an infant in a vehicle every few hours in one day. — Happy Holiday Mom
Dear Amy: My husband and I each have two sets of parents through divorce and remarriage. Before we were even married and before we even had children, my husband and I decided to start our holiday routine.
On even years, my side of the family gets us for Thanksgiving and after Christmas, while my husband’s side of the family gets us for Christmas Day (and a few days on either side of that). On odd years, this is reversed. — Figured It Out
Dear Amy: Our solution to the holiday extended-family madness came about after a disastrous “Baby’s First Christmas” when my in-laws waited until our baby was tired and cranky on Christmas Eve to open presents.
I spent the evening trying to calm my husband down because he was furious with his parents.
The next year, we had Christmas at our house, and then traveled on the 26th to have Christmas again at Grandma and Grandpa’s. Our kids loved it because Christmas lasted twice as long! — A Reader in California
Dear Amy: For my wife and me, the answer to the holiday madness is simple: We don’t go. We can think of no hell greater than traveling with kids over the holidays.
Instead, we take a week to go and visit in the spring, right in the middle of May, when the weather is delightful, the travel is cheaper and easier, and everyone is at home.
There’s no pressure to cook huge dinners, deal with large crowds, transport or purchase gifts, or any other ugliness at these “happy” times. It’s wonderful. — David in Chicago
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