Dear Margo: After years of separation, I reunited with my father 13 years ago. We have a pretty good relationship, all things considered. I am friendly with my stepmom and half-siblings. A couple of years ago I went to their home to hang out with my dad. The rest of my family was away, but he invited me to go swimming. Oddly, I had never spent time alone with him. We had a few margaritas and told stories, and it was fun. My question is: During our time in the pool, my dad kept putting his arm around me and complimenting me on how I turned out so well and how pretty I am. Margo, I felt like he was flirting with me! I am not one to be physically close with people, and as a 26-year-old woman I was simply unprepared to snuggle with my father in a swimming pool! I never told anyone about it because nothing really happened … it was just awkward. I don’t want to seem like I am reading too much into the situation, but do you think his behavior was weird? It’s been at the forefront of my mind since the birth of my daughter two months ago. Obviously, talking to the other family members is out of the question because I am not “one of them.” I guess I am just wondering whether I am justified in having a bad feeling after that incident. (Do you think it was the margaritas?) — Distressed
Dear Dis: If it was the margaritas, hon, it was the ones in his glass, not yours. I would go with the AA rule on this one: If someone thinks it’s a problem, it’s a problem. In other words, your discomfort was valid because that’s what you felt. It’s possible that your years away from the family, your not being “one of them,” somehow made your father feel less like a parent than an admirer. It is unfortunate this disturbing event took place because I suspect the thought will always be with you. A useful bit of protection might be to arrange it so that you are always in the company of other family members. — Margo, regretfully
The name game
Dear Margo: My husband and I find ourselves in a delicate situation. My cousin and his wife recently gave birth to a baby girl. We went to the hospital to visit them and found they had not yet picked a name for the child. We were not surprised since they had lengthy lists of potential names they had been mulling over for a while. A few years earlier, before they were even engaged, my husband and I had them over for dinner, and somehow we got on the subject of baby names. She revealed her favorites, as did I. Her list of female names was quite long, but mine consisted of just one name that my husband and I had our hearts set on. While her names were quite common, our choice was a bit unusual. Long story short, they decided to name their baby the name that my husband and I revealed to them. We are now extremely hurt and at a loss for what to do in the future should we have a baby girl. We would like them to know how we feel, but given the delicate nature of the situation we’re unsure how to go about doing so, or that it is even appropriate. — Hurt in Hoffman Estates, IL
Dear Hurt: I suspect the new parents were motivated more by liking the name than trying to steal your thunder. I see no point in raising the issue with them. Should you have a girl, by all means use the name you love. Lest you feel this might be awkward, let me tell you that I knew of a grandmother, not all that far from Hoffman Estates, who had three granddaughters named Betsy. — Margo, acceptingly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
