Dear Amy: I’m a woman in my mid-20s. I’ve spent most of my life in jeans and T-shirts.
Dresses make me profoundly uncomfortable, and I don’t exactly have the best body.
After breaking up with my boyfriend, my friends have been encouraging me to “dress prettier” and start wearing makeup and doing things with my hair.
I hate feeling so unnoticed all the time, so I’ve been going along with it.
The thing is, the other day someone told me how much she admired me for “always being my own person” and never succumbing to peer pressure.
Now I’m suddenly slammed with worry — am I sacrificing who I really am by wearing the new skirts and sweaters? Am I succumbing to peer pressure without even knowing it? How do I compromise my desire to be “pretty” with my need to be myself? — Worried
Dear Worried: So far, you don’t seem to know who you really are, so you are letting your friends fill in the void created by your own uncertainty. Let’s blame this on your recent breakup.
I’d point out that the person who admires you for being yourself is also creating pressure for you by making you second-guess your choices, and that’s your insecurity showing.
You can sidestep this whole “peer pressure” issue by choosing to be both “prettier” and authentically yourself.
I’m a fan of the program “What Not to Wear” on The Learning Channel. On this show, friends and family nominate someone for a clothing makeover.
Invariably, the nominated person states that she feels really comfortable in her Hello Kitty sweatshirt and Juicy jeans; she justifies her choices by saying she is being herself. Every time, after they make a change, participants say they still feel like themselves — but better.
The pulled-together and cleaned-up version of you is as real as any other version — as long as you feel comfortable in your skin — and being comfortable in your own skin will make you more attractive, no matter what you’re wearing.
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