Dear Margo: I will get straight to the point: My boyfriend is in love with my mother. A few weeks ago I brought my new boyfriend, “Max,” home to meet my parents. Max immediately fell head over heels for my mom. I’ve told him that she’s happily married to my father, but he ignores that fact completely. Since the day he saw my mom, he has asked her out three times, attempted to have sex once, and even threatened my dad to “back off, or else.” This situation is quite uncomfortable for my entire family, but whenever I try to talk to Max about it, he claims to be in love with me and only me — not my mother. I know this is false, and I’m not sure how to end it all. I love Max very much, so I ask you, Margo, how can I tell him to step away from my mom while keeping him in my grasp? — Too Many Awkward Moments
Dear Too: Something about your letter strikes me as nuts. I don’t know if it’s you, Max, or perhaps a committee of high-schoolers that sat down to figure out a loony question. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, let us stipulate that Max is deranged. If what you describe is on the level, unload Max, post haste. Any guy who meets his girlfriend’s mother, asks her out, tries to have sex and tells the woman’s husband to “back off” is certifiable. Believe me, if the situation you write about is real, this is not someone you want to “keep in your grasp.” — Margo, skeptically
The Stress-Devil Made Her Do It
Dear Margo: I’m a 19-year-old freshman. These first months of college have been good to me so far; classes are great and I’ve met new friends. The only problem is with my girlfriend of a year and a half back home. My school is three hours away, so we decided to engage in an open relationship where we can date other people, with limitations. Recently she admitted that she got extremely stressed out one night and slept with a male friend of hers. That is one of the few things that we were not allowed to do with other people. She claims to still love me, and really feels bad about what she did and wants me to stay with her. Now, I’m a fair guy, and I think I know what real stress is. But I know I didn’t sleep with the first girl I had a chance with (and I had many). I told her that before I take her back (if I take her back), she has to get tested for STDs, which is buying me time to make a decision. I really loved her before this, but I don’t trust her anymore and don’t think things can be the same. If you could give me some advice, that would be great. If not, I’m going to flip a coin. — Drifting
Dear Drift: I like your idea of flipping a coin. That would give you a 50 percent chance of making the right decision. I well understand your change of heart. Winding up in bed with someone is not the standard response to stress. (And you are right about her getting tested for STDs.) As for the way you’re feeling, there’s an old saying in the garment business: Once there’s a stain on velvet, it’s never the same. Rather than making any decisions now, see how you feel when some time has gone by. Your heart and your gut will give you the answer. Forgiveness is part of the big picture, but so is trust. — Margo, hesitatingly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
