A recent Denver Post editorial concluded that “with higher education likely to face more cuts, lawmakers must find a way to repair Colorado’s dysfunctional budget system.”
This was followed shortly after by a suggestion from a member of the Joint Budget Committee that Colorado’s public universities “privatize” themselves.
This is by no means a new suggestion. In fact, politicians and government officials have been haranguing the higher-education establishment to “operate more like a business” for decades. Given the current economic environment, I believe it is time for higher education to succumb to the pressure and adopt policies and practices that have been widely used in the business, industry and governmental sectors in recent years. Toward that end, I offer the following nine-step plan for addressing the higher-education funding crisis (it was originally a 10-step plan but fell victim to a 10 percent mandatory reduction because of the economy).
1. “Repurpose” university libraries so that their business plan consists of selling, rather than buying, books.
2. Place a $25 surcharge on each backpack that students bring into the classroom.
3. Take pay-for-performance to its full potential by basing faculty salaries on contributions made by students to a “tip jar” that is placed at the front of the classroom before each lecture.
4. Embrace the “redistribution of wealth” economic theory by requesting that the windfall of money promised to community colleges as a result of the approval of gambling amendments be reallocated to research universities.
5. Save millions in salaries by outsourcing teaching to graduate assistants from India and China. Oh wait — we’ve already been doing that for years.
6. Give outrageous compensation increases to faculty, staff and administrators.
7. Plan to pay for Step 6 by increasing student tuition by equally outrageous amounts.
8. To enable students to afford the outrageous tuition in Step 7, give a student loan to anyone who asks, regardless of their ability to repay it.
9. When students cannot repay their loans, and do not enroll in the universities because they can no longer can afford it, request a federal bailout.
Jerry Wartgow is the interim dean of the Morgridge College of Education at the University of Denver and retired superintendent of Denver Public Schools.
