Dear Amy: Over the past year, my 42-year-old sister has for some reason decided she does not need family anymore.
She is an entrepreneur and appears to be married to her job. She is ignoring phone calls, e-mails, gifts and special family events such as birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
She has gone so far as to block my e-mail address so I can no longer send e-mails to her.
She was my maid of honor at my wedding.
My youngest sister (who turns 40 next year) is still living at home with my parents, and she is starting to ignore my e-mails, gifts and birthdays, as well.
When I have talked to her on the phone, she never tells me anything about herself. She tells me that she doesn’t like talking about herself. She’s really not allowing me to know her.
I am blessed that our parents are healthy. But I’ve started to get very concerned about what kind of family (if any) I will have when my parents pass on.
I have been feeling absolutely devastated, sad, angry and anxious. And I don’t think I can handle any more rejection from my sisters. I want to move on and not allow their behavior to disrupt my happiness any longer.
I would appreciate any advice you can offer. — Devastated by Siblings
Dear Devastated: I don’t know if there is more to this story and your sisters are responding to something specific you have (or haven’t) done. You don’t say if they have a relationship with each other. If they do, you could take their rejection more personally.
You can’t force your sisters into a relationship with you, and you might have erred by trying too hard and emotionally overexerting.Your efforts toward these two have failed, so now you should redirect your energy. You should work on accepting the situation.
A professional counselor could help. Talking about your sisters will help you to see patterns in their behavior and yours. A counselor can offer you perspective and the impetus to change, if necessary.
Dear Amy: You told a woman who complained about a friend’s “tasteless” fat-free cooking to just “suck it up.” This deals with the effects of the problem, not with the cause.
That can be dealt with by buying the cook a cookbook as a gift.
I cook numerous fat-free meals that taste great. It’s all in the seasoning! My wife and I carry around a small plastic shaker of prepared seasoning that we use in restaurants when dishes turn out to be bland. — Healthy Louisiana Cook
Dear Cook: I like both your suggestions. I have been known to pack a bottle of Tabasco, which “fixes” everything!
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