Dear Margo: I quit eating all meat (including fowl and seafood) about 20 years ago. People who become vegetarians do it for various reasons. We are not all animal-rights fanatics or health nuts. I have no problem with other people eating meat. (My husband eats meat.) The thing that annoys me is when people find out I’m a vegetarian, they become defensive and even hostile. My own mother can be that way. If I make a simple comment such as, “That looks like a meat-lover’s delight,” my mother thinks I am being sarcastic; then she starts defending the “other side.” I can’t help the way people react, but I am tired of the persecution just because of my dietary choices. What is it with these people? — Airy-Fairy Granola Girl
Dear Air: I don’t know that “persecution” is the right word, but I agree that vegetarians are considered a little out of the mainstream by some people … and many of us omnivores don’t know too much about being a vegetarian. A mechanistic tactic, at least with your mother, would be to stop commenting on anything to do with meat. That way she will have no reason to respond with an argument for the “other side.” When new people raise the subject with you, don’t be defensive, just tell them what you like about eating your way. You seem to have decided you are a victim of vegetarianism, which strikes me as a bit of an overreaction. — Margo, nourishingly
Her Parents/His Parents
Dear Margo: My middle son as a child and teenager was warm, loving and well-mannered. I adored him then and still do. The problem is that when he married (16 years ago), his wife seemed to make it her mission in life to keep our son out of our lives. We no longer hear from him on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, or any day, for that matter. If we call him, he always seems happy to talk to us, and we make it a point to also spend 20-30 minutes chatting with our daughter-in-law. We have two other sons who are extremely close to us. I don’t understand what happened, and although we have tried many times to bring him closer to his family again, it isn’t happening. I’m now 62 years old and fear that I will leave this earth with only two of my sons beside me. It’s tearing me up emotionally. I love my children and I miss my son indescribably. What can I do? — Distressed Mother
Dear Dis: It is odd that the communication is all one-way, but he is pleasant when you initiate the call. The fact that you also talk to his wife for that length of time suggests she is not unfriendly. Some women, for different reasons, do try to pry a husband loose from his family. I would suggest that you, or one of your sons, ask him directly if there’s some problem you may not be aware of. Perhaps call him at the office, or send him a letter there, posing this question. With luck you may get an answer. And then again, there may be no answer. At the very least, he will know of your feelings, if not your bewilderment. That might alter the situation. Good luck. — Margo, hopefully
