Dear Amy: I used to be good friends with “Martin” in college. We hung out constantly. I was pretty much in love with him for almost two years, but we were never more than friends.
When I finally realized that he was using my company to escape from his bad relationship with his awful girlfriend and that he would never love me back, I pulled away and, in my defensive state, probably acted like a real “female dog” in the process. I haven’t spoken to him in nearly four years.
Martin recently “friended” me on Facebook. I accepted, and saw, to my amused bewilderment, that Martin has a new female dog. And that he has given his dog my name — I have one of those names that people often use for their dogs. In college it was a running joke how annoyed I would get when people gave their pets my name.
Should I express my concern to him about my memory living on in canine form? Or should I take a chill pill and realize that this could all be a coincidence? — Bemused
Dear Bemused: You should definitely take a chill pill, and if you decide to react to this very minor issue, make sure you do so with humor.
If you respond to “Martin,” you can tell him that it’s a kick to hear from him, and say: “I can’t help but notice that you’ve given your dog my name. I’d like to think that this is a coincidence — or paying homage to me — and not a reflection on how you remember my behavior from college.” Follow this statement with a question for him about what he’s doing these days, giving him something specific to respond to, and then let the proverbial sleeping dogs lie.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of almost a year recently told me he wanted to end our relationship. We share the same values, the same ideas about family and the same humor. I enjoy him and he enjoys me.
However, he is far more outgoing than I am. He has a lot more friends in the area where we live, but I am fine with the small social circle I have. I go out with him and his friends sometimes, but not the majority of the time. He wants to end the relationship because it is important to him that his girlfriend be socially compatible with him.
I am saddened because in all other respects we work well together. — Hurt
Dear Hurt: Social compatibility is an important component of a relationship — it certainly seems to be important to your boyfriend — and neither of you should change such a basic part of who you are to be together.
It is possible that your boyfriend has identified this difference between you as a relationship red herring. He may have other reasons making him want to leave the relationship.
Loving partners accept and even embrace such differences; if your boyfriend isn’t willing to love you as you are, or at least find a compromise, then it might be best for both of you to move on.
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