Dear Amy: Well, Valentine’s Day is approaching once again, and I find myself alone. Once again.
I am a woman in my mid-30s, was briefly married many years ago and have had few relationships ever since. I feel as if I’ve tried absolutely everything to find a mate, and the results are, well, not great. Lots of dates, lots of duds.
I can’t believe I have to suffer through another Valentine’s Day with this feeling of loneliness deep in my heart.
Do you have any ideas? — Sad Single
Dear Sad: Many of us look to external forces or people to fix what ails us, when the answer might actually be much closer to home.
There are a lot of resources out there promising to help people find the loves of their lives, but one new book I like takes a different approach. In “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love,” authors Patti Novak and Laura Zigman suggest that the answer lies within. Novak, who is a professional matchmaker, suggests that clients “fix” themselves when frustrated by a search for love.
After examining your own relationship history and reaction to disappointment, you may discover ways you are unwittingly sabotaging your own chances.
One great suggestion Novak makes is to approach dating not as a job interview or with the expectation that you are about to meet the love of your life, but with the idea that you are encountering a potential new friend.
When I was dating, I convinced myself that the endless round of coffee dates I was going on were opportunities to “polish” myself with new experiences and new people. Thinking I would learn something with each experience made the “duds” easier to take.
Dear Amy: Please help me think generous thoughts regarding an invitation to a wedding “reception” I just received from a cousin in another state. All my siblings got an invitation, even the one who lives 1,000 miles away.
We cousins rarely meet up. We all have little kids, and it’s a no-kids evening reception, a three-hour drive from our homes, with no indication that a baby-sitter will be provided, though a motel’s business card was included with the invitation.
This couple is not young. They’ve been married for a few months now, so it’s just a reception at a VFW, and at that late hour, dinner is probably not even included.
If she really wanted more distant relatives to attend, she would have planned a more hospitable event, right? Or she could have sent an announcement — to let us off the hook.
I probably will send something out of a sense of obligation, but my heart’s not in it. At least no registry junk was in the envelope. But honestly, isn’t this invitation just a grasp for gifts? — Hunting for Good Will
Dear Hunting: Please forgive this couple for having the nerve to invite you to a party to celebrate their wedding. Evidently this event is not to your liking, but I have been to many rollicking good parties at the VFW, featuring beer, chicken wings, music and dancing. This modest party might be all the couple can afford, and if so, then they should be commended for adhering to a reasonable budget.
If you don’t want to attend this reception, then don’t. If you don’t want to send a gift, then don’t. But don’t blame this couple for throwing a party and inviting you to it. That’s just rude.
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