Dear Amy: About seven months ago, I met “Brian.” He’s smart, funny and sweet. He respects me (although he occasionally jokes about the fact that I am a lot shorter than he is), and we have fun together.
Sounds perfect, right? Wrong. Here’s the problem: I’m only 14. He’s 16.
I truly feel as if I’m in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and whenever his name is mentioned I start blushing out of control. I’ve had crushes before, but this one is way more than a simple crush.
Do you think 14 is too young to find love? — Crushed Out
Dear Crushed: I don’t think that 14 is too young to find love, but I do think that 14 is too young to have love.
I’m an old crank when it comes to love. Love is a wonderful terminus at the end of a whole series of choices and experiences. At your age, you shouldn’t even be at the starting gate — you should be going to the multiplex with your friends, and love should be in the far-off distance.
You’re going to read Shakespeare one of these days and declare me to be all wrong. The story of the adolescent lovers in “Romeo and Juliet” is often offered up as an example of perfect teen love.
But Romeo and Juliet hardly knew each other, just as you and your wonderful guy hardly know each other. Take your time. Enjoy these feelings. Make sure you and “Brian” are always nice to each other. But don’t jump into love.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of less than a year has decided to quit smoking, mostly because I hate it. He went on a prescription pill that cuts the craving. So far it’s been a couple of weeks and it’s working to cut his craving, but a side effect is that he is now constantly angry at me.
When I try to cheer him up and tell him how proud I am of him, he seems to get mad at that! This is hard. It’s a new relationship and I haven’t seen him angry with me before. And although I don’t like this new behavior, I still want him to quit smoking.
This also comes at a time when I am having some family issues, and I really want my boyfriend to be there for me emotionally, but he has been withdrawn.
I want to be sympathetic to what he’s going through, but it’s hard for me to be supportive when I’m not feeling support from him, although we have both made it clear that we want to keep our relationship going.
How do you think I should handle this? —Struggling to Stay Strong
Dear Struggling: Aside from any side effects and withdrawal symptoms your boyfriend might still be experiencing, he probably would feel better if he stopped smoking not for you, but for himself.
His choice to stop smoking for you means that he is less likely to stay on the wagon, because you can’t be around all the time to cheer for him or absorb his bad moods.
I suggest you drop this topic entirely. Trust that your guy is struggling, help him if he asks, but otherwise stay away from his choice to smoke — or not smoke.
He should see the person who prescribed his medication to double-check the side effects. It might be best to step down the dosage and move on to another method of kicking his habit.
You have a right to expect your boyfriend to be decent to you, even when he’s in a foul “wish-I-had-a-cigarette” mood. It’s time to tell him that. If he chooses to resume smoking and you can’t bear it, then you will have some decisions to make.
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