Dear Margo: OK, so I am in high school, right? Freshman year. I thought my first year was going to be great, and until a month ago it was. Then my grades started slipping, and eventually I cheated on a quiz to bring my grade up because I was tired of looking like a failure. Unfortunately, I got caught, and the teacher and counselor called my parents. When I got home, my mom took my phone and read everything on it. Therein lies the problem.
By invading my privacy, she found out I was bisexual, used to cut myself, stopped eating or forced myself to throw up, and thought I was in love with my best friend — who is a girl, I might add. Now I am stuck in counseling. Also, she discovered similar problems going on with two of my best friends. Now she won’t let me see them until they tell their parents what’s been going on and see a counselor. One friend was already in counseling when this happened, but the other refuses to say anything, even if it means we can’t see each other anymore.
My problem is that I feel angry and terrible all the time and just want to cry every second because everything is ruined: I can’t see the girl I’ve fallen for, and my parents are trying to convince me that I am not bi, but merely curious. If I were simply curious I wouldn’t be feeling this way toward another girl, would I? I don’t know what to do anymore and feel like there is nowhere to turn. — Helplessly Broken
Dear Help: I have to say, as a parent, that your mother is doing what is in your best interests. Getting caught cheating may have been a godsend because it alerted your mother that something was wrong and you wound up in counseling. I suggest you don’t look at the therapist as the enemy, but make use of your sessions to hash through your feelings. This person could even become an ally in helping you understand who you are and explaining to your mother that your sexuality, whatever it is, is hard-wired. Anyone with an eating disorder and a history of cutting herself needs professional guidance, and your mother is seeing that you get it. I would go along with the program and make it work for you. — Margo, realistically
Popping the question and busting a gut
Dear Margo: How long does it typically take for a man to propose marriage? I’ve been dating a man for over two years, and my mother and sister are nagging me, saying I am wasting my time, and that if he were serious, he’d have asked me by now. When I have raised the issue of a time frame, he has said he believes we will marry but doesn’t want to rush things because, to his way of thinking, marriage is forever. I love him and don’t mind waiting, but I am also aware that at 34 years old each year that passes means potential future prospects diminish, as does the chance of having a baby. Am I on track, or should I start listening to my mother and sister? — HD
Dear H: There’s no standard timetable for a proposal. Some proposals are made within days or weeks of meeting; others take years. Often a couple has an understanding that they will marry, but for one reason or another they’re in no hurry. Your situation, however, sounds as though you would like a commitment and your guy is not ready. If you don’t mind waiting, tune out your female relatives. If you are nervous that he will never pop the question, you have only so many options: You can stick it to him, stick with him or tell him it’s over. Perhaps a serious and pointed discussion would be useful. That, at least, will focus his attention. While his view that marriage should be forever is admirable, unlike a stove, it never comes with a guarantee. — Margo, directly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
