Dear Amy: I socialize with a group of about eight women in my neighborhood.
We get together at each other’s homes on weekends, and we always bring snacks and our beverage of choice.
One woman does not bring any food, helps herself to the snacks and drinks, and will even take leftovers home (one time she even took what was left of my birthday cake that the hostess bought for me)! The understanding in the group is that we all have to contribute food and drinks, yet this falls on deaf ears with this one person.
She never hosts parties, yet always wants to be included in ours. After many repeated comments and requests, she still will not contribute and has stated that we have a lot of money (we do not). She feels entitled to take whatever she wants and constantly mooches.
Recently she found out that I was going to donate clothing and demanded that I give her the clothing items instead of giving them to a charity.
Her sense of entitlement has us all bewildered. We have run out of options on how to deal with her. Help! — Tired of the Moocher
Dear Tired: A universal potluck rule is that those who wish to enjoy food brought by others should also contribute to the meal.
Waivers are granted to those people who have acceptable reasons for being unable to contribute — but you don’t seem to believe this woman qualifies. Consider the possibility that she is struggling financially — and embarrassed. If she is unable to contribute, however, then her duty is to be a good guest — and she isn’t.
It might help if the hostess “assigns” dishes to guests in advance. That way this neighbor will have a specific directive.
Otherwise, I suggest that you all stand up to your hostage-taker, casseroles in hand, and stop inviting her.
Dear Amy: A woman I work with is expecting her first child next month.
Yesterday she hand-delivered an announcement to her baby shower to my desk.
The RSVP phone numbers on the announcement are hers.
Am I old fashioned or what? I am used to someone other than the mom hosting the shower.
Is this the latest trend in baby-shower protocol? — Wondering in Tulsa
Dear Wondering: It is still considered bad form to throw a shower for yourself, but your colleague might be helping out the host of the shower by handling the RSVPs to her own event.
One rule of etiquette that hasn’t changed is the requirement that potential guests should be gracious, open and nonjudgmental.
If you already don’t like the way this is being handled, then you should convey your regrets.
Send questions to AskAmy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
