Dear Amy: My wife, “Jenna,” and I go out to eat occasionally with a couple who are friends of ours.
We all enjoy a few drinks before we eat, but the definition of a “few” differs between Jenna and the rest of us.
Our friends and I enjoy one, maybe two, drinks before eating. Jenna likes three, maybe four, drinks before eating and gets upset if someone suggests ordering the food before she is ready.
Jenna is not a drunk. She rarely drinks at home, and the three or four drinks consumed before we eat do not make her drunk, only a little buzzed. She tells me that because we go out so seldom, that she should be allowed to enjoy herself.
What should I do? I am becoming more and more embarrassed by her behavior. I am afraid that our friends are getting to the point where they do not want to go out with us. — Stumped in Oklahoma
Dear Stumped: If your wife held the rest of your dining party hostage and wouldn’t leave the restaurant until she had consumed three or four pieces of carrot cake, would you say she has a dessert problem? “Jenna” has a drinking problem. She might not be “a drunk,” but her drinking is causing a problem for herself and others — and that’s a fairly explicit definition of a drinking problem.
Your gentle but frank conversation with her should be two-pronged: You should say her drinking is causing a problem when you go out, and you should ask her why she feels her desire to binge drink should rise above the rest of the group’s desire to have dinner. Ask her to see her own behavior from another point of view, and ask that she examine her own choices and the consequences. Depending on her response, she may need the help of a group such as Alcoholics Anonymous to gain some perspective on her drinking problem.
Dear Amy: I read with interest and amazement the letter in your column from someone whose friend was hosting a “bidet party.” I added a bathroom to my house several years ago. I had a champagne and canapes party in this bathroom! Afterward, we had dinner in the dining room. I do not find the bidet party “tasteless” but rather an event that the attendees will remember as something unusual and fun! — Happy Bather
Dear Happy: The only word that comes to mind to describe a party celebrating a bathroom appliance is “tasteless.” That doesn’t mean an event wouldn’t be fun or memorable, however.
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