Dear Amy: I am a 25-year-old man. My wife of four years recently had an affair, left me, then divorced me. It broke my heart, and I went into a hospital because of the tremendous toll the breakup took on me emotionally and physically.
I’ve been realizing since the divorce that we had an unhealthy relationship, and I think we can both be happier apart.
Now I have an etiquette question.
I asked my ex-wife to marry me when I was a student. I was working 40 hours a week to pay rent.
Somehow, I managed to scrape and save and buy her a very impressive engagement ring. It cost me about $2,300, no small chunk of change, especially for someone of my meager means.
Now that she’s left me, and considering the dire state of the economy, I’m wondering whether I should ask for the ring back.
I assumed that it was customary to return the ring, considering she was the one who left me. But she hasn’t.
I don’t want to nitpick, but I feel that because she cheated and left, the ring is rightfully mine. She rejected what the ring stood for, so I feel that I should have it back. — Wondering Ex
Dear Ex: Because you feel so strongly about this, you might as well ask for the ring back. Don’t be surprised, however, if your ex-wife doesn’t give it to you.
It is not customary to return an engagement ring after a marriage of some length has failed. Engagement rings are gifts — and though you are correct that they imply a contract of sorts, your ex fulfilled the implied contract when she married you.
The time to pursue this would have been before your divorce was final.
You should write the ring off as a bad investment, lick your wounds, put this in perspective and move on. You deserve better.
Dear Amy: Last year I attended a camp and met a boy whom I have a crush on.
I am attending camp again this year and I want to tell him I have feelings for him.
I have never felt like this before. I have had a crush on this boy for six months, and he is all I ever think about.
I know that this might be some teenage love story, but I am so confused that I don’t know how to tell him that I like him.
He has a friend who is close to him. I was going to ask her for help, but I’m stuck. My friends don’t give good advice.
Should I tell him how I feel the next time I see him at camp? Should I tell him on Instant Messenger — or is this so personal that it needs to be face-to-face? — Terrified Teen
Dear Terrified: Back in my day, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, the way to explore an adolescent crush was to go through a friend.
The friend would approach the object of your crush, tell him you liked him and act as a sort of broker between the two of you.
If you haven’t seen your crush in almost a year, the smartest thing would be to wait until you see him again. Crushes, like avocados, don’t always age well. Your guy might have changed in ways that make him less appealing to you.
Don’t make any confessions in person or use any form of technology until you see your crush and get to know him again.
Send questions to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
