Being single has a stigma since society celebrates couplehood. It’s exalted in song, movies, TV shows, and books. If you are not paired up, you get the labels. Being a 38-year-old never-married woman, I get the “what’s wrong with you” label.
Instead of seeing that I want to be married for a lifetime, I’m seen as abnormal since divorce is the norm.
Even multiple divorces. Also, some couples treat you differently. They may not invite you to parties or gatherings, assuming that you may feel out of place. When in reality, it makes them uncomfortable.
But, I’m grateful for my married friends. The ones who look past the label and see the whole person. Even though their lives are complicated with carpools and soccer practice, playing with their kids helps me to alleviate the baby pangs. Or seeing that marriage takes hard work, destroying any fairy tale notions. I value their friendship. I don’t see or go out with them as much.
Yet, we remain friends even though their lives are completely different. Living in Colorado Springs allows them to be – married couples living in suburbia.
Colorado Springs is definitely family friendly. The emphasis on family. Most couples moved to the city from out of state for less expensive housing, better schools, and safer communities.
It’s the ultimate suburbia with its chain restaurants, big box grocery stories, and new single family home development popping up all over the open space. My single friends don’t understand why I live in Colorado Springs.
Ironically, it’s for the cheaper housing, 25-minute commute to and from work, and a laid back atmosphere.
As I get older, city life loses it appeal. No desire to live in a hectic pace as I’m ready put down roots in my hometown. I find that a lot of singles flock to the cities, not wanting to be trapped by the routines of daily family life. Yet, it’s hard to avoid it when you are 38 and live in suburbia.
But, Colorado Springs can be a good place to live for some singles. In a population of 614,000, Colorado Springs boasts a singles population of 40.47%.
According to Sperling’s Best Places, the city ranks high for singles 18 to 24 due to the fact that the city has high college population, with many students staying in the Springs to work and live after they graduate. They have an instant built-in community.
The city also ranks high for its high dating venues like concerts, clubs, and bars. But, there is no singleness stigma because society expects it for young adults. Marriage is seen as unusual in your early 20s.
I chose to live in my native city even though I had an opportunity to live in a bigger city like San Francisco or Denver. But, family has brought me home. The roots have a strong pull on my heart.
City life has its benefits but not so much as you grow older. To fight the single stigma, I show what a “never-married no kids” woman looks like in the heart of suburbia. It’s not a stereotypical lone girl at home with her two favorite men – Ben and Jerry. But, it’s not Sex and the City either.
My life is full with work, hobbies, friends, and family. I would like to be married someday but not for the sake of just getting married.
Until that happens, I can exist amongst the DINKS (dual income with kids) and survive. Make friends with people regardless of martial status. I hope that they see singles have a lot to contribute instead of getting pity (and constant blind date set ups).
It’s not about envying each others lives. The grass may be greener on the other side. But, regardless, it still has to be mowed. Even when it grows in suburbia.
Denise Washington (denise.washington@yahoo.com) of Colorado Springs works in marketing and advertising. EDITOR’S NOTE: This is an online-only column and has not been edited.
