Dear Amy: I have a friend of more than 20 years who sends me probably 20 to 25 e-mails a week with jokes, videos, etc.
Most of the time I don’t mind, even though some of them are off-color. If I’m busy, I just delete them without looking at them.
However, last week I received two messages that made me very angry. To be specific, both featured several close-ups of female private parts with nothing left to the imagination.
I sent her an e-mail asking her not to send me this type of thing because they crossed the line between amusing and obscene. I also wrote that I noticed that she had sent some of these messages to the recipients’ work e-mail addresses and I didn’t think this was a good idea.
She wrote that she didn’t need me to tell her what was or wasn’t a good idea.
I don’t want to lose this person as a friend, but I find it bizarre that a woman in her 60s passes on this type of thing to both male and female friends.
She has been a loyal and good friend over the years. I would appreciate your advice. — Confused
Dear Confused: I’ll take your word for it that this person is a good and loyal friend, but true friends don’t persist in sending porn to other friends and then belittle them when they object.
Because you two have a long history together and you seem to value her friendship, you could give your friend another opportunity to respect your very reasonable boundary about receiving obscene material.
If she continues to send pornography to you, you should assume that your friendship has changed. Don’t respond again and let her burn her bridges if she chooses to.
Dear Amy: This June will be the 50th anniversary of our wedding, but I don’t feel much like celebrating. My husband has called our marriage “a disaster.” We are cranky, and many discussions end in misunderstandings and anger.
He is self-centered, judgmental and universally critical. I am selfish, lazy, the world’s worst housekeeper. I worry about the effects of our sloppy lives on our two (grown) children.
We don’t want a party. We’ve talked about going to a nice resort or restaurant, possibly with our children.
Does anyone else reach this milestone with such negative feelings? Any suggestions? — Tired
Dear Tired: Milestone events cause us to reflect on our lives — and sometimes the result is painful.
You aren’t too old to change, and it isn’t too late for you and your husband to work on — and improve — your relationship.
I’d suggest that the two of you step outside the box and go together to a retreat where you can meditate, reflect and receive some guidance.
You could ask your kids to help you celebrate by assisting you in a “clean sweep” of your home while you’re gone.
Professional organizers can help sort, save and sell those possessions that might be weighing you down (this would be done with your guidance). This sort of “fresh start” can make a dramatic difference, energize you and help pull both of you out of your rut.
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