Dear Margo: I have been seeing a man for three years. After a year and a half, I asked him about getting serious and he stated he was already serious with someone else. I asked why he didn’t reveal that to me, and he said he wasn’t sure if it was going to work between them and didn’t want to lose me. I broke things off for six months. He started to call again, which gave me the impression he was no longer seeing her, so I continued to see him for another year. Fast forward to right now. I inquired again about getting serious, and he says he is getting married to the woman! Needless to say, I was shocked and hurt. His explanation was that he’s known her longer and feels obligated to marry her. To make matters more complicated, since he told me he is getting married, we have still been “seeing” each other — out for dinner and drinks, just like before, including amazing sexual encounters. Please tell me why he continues to tell me he loves me. — Trying To Move On
Dear Try: Where to begin? He keeps telling you he loves you because it gets him where he wants to go. Since you have not taken yourself out of the picture, even with knowledge of the upcoming marriage, I suspect this man may think you could be “dating” till the end of time. As for his telling you his impending marriage will happen because he feels “obligated,” let me just say that if he believes this, he is a fool, and if you believe it, there’s a bridge I’d like to talk to you about. This reminds me of a situation I know about where an older bachelor actually told a woman he was dating that the woman he was living with had been “moved into the house” by his children who were protecting him from gold-diggers! Bail now, hon. — Margo, gullibly
A Class War — in the Family
Dear Margo: I’m a 26-year-old artist living in New York City. I have a wonderful set of friends who are well educated, interesting and amazingly creative. My mother lives in a wealthy, preppy community and is obsessed with social status and appearance. She recently joined Facebook and combed through all my photos. Apparently, the friends in my photos are not good enough because many are not white and rich looking. She frequently tells me she is “concerned” because I don’t have enough WASPy friends. I try to tell her how talented and unique they are, but she is more concerned about what her friends might think. She also criticizes my hair and outfits in different photos. I love my mom, as we are pretty close, but I’m tired of her constantly putting down my lifestyle choices. I closed off her Facebook access to my profile, but the damage has been done. Now whenever I make a new friend or go on a date, she asks me what race the person is. How can I get her to back off? — Anti-elitist
Dear Ant: Too bad your mom learned about Facebook — though she is not the first parent to avail herself of the information therein. A girlfriend of mine found on the aforementioned website that her son was planning a party … when she planned to be out of town. But back to your mother, the bigoted snob. My guess is she is too old to retrain, so you might want to forget about that. By my lights, at 26, you are old enough to choose your friends. And regarding the WASP quotient in your life, tell your mother you have just the right amount. (Just for fun, the next time she asks what race someone is, say, “The human race.”) — Margo, mischievously
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
