Dear Amy: I am a 22-year-old man who grew up in a small village in Illinois, but I am serving with the military in Afghanistan. Recently, I became engaged for the fourth time, to a girl from a small town in Indiana. I’ve known my fiancee for two years, and the last time I was home on leave, I proposed. I love her a lot.
I understand things are going to be tough because I’m going to be away, perhaps for a long time. I wonder if that’s fair to her. We’re also talking about renting an apartment together when I get home. I don’t really want to do that, but I don’t want to argue with her, either. What should I do? — Military Man
Dear Mm: If at 22 you have already been engaged four times, you are a better candidate for engagement rehab than marriage. It is ironic that you are old enough to serve our country but not necessarily old enough to do other things, such as rent a car — or, in your case, get married.
Your experience in the military means that you have to cope with a high degree of pressure and uncertainty, as well as a lifestyle characterized by frequent long absences — punctuated by brief and intense visits home. This can make people eager to move quickly into marriage, making you a perennial fiance. Because you are so nervous about the prospect of living together, don’t do it. If your fiancee pressures you or doesn’t understand your hesitation, then you and she might not be the right match. Ideally, a person gets engaged and married one time. You should be dating, taking your time and enjoying the relationship without the pressure of marriage.
Dear Amy: My husband and I were dinner guests at a celebratory party, and the hostess served an excellent ham dinner. I had a rather large piece of ham left on my plate and asked if I could take it home. My husband thought this was very rude. Was I wrong to ask for it? — Daily Reader
Dear Reader: At a formal dinner party, you should not ask to take your leftovers home. If this was a casual family party, then this might have been acceptable — and even flattering to the cook.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
