This note’s for you, Super Joe. . . .
The most amazing aspect of Joe Sakic’s 20-year career? That he filled up so many miles of tape and volumes of note pads without really saying anything.
But there are two things you need to know about Super Joe. First, it was all by design. The man hated controversy, detested it, abhorred it. He always gave you something to write, just nothing particularly interesting to write.
Second, it didn’t have to be that way. Sakic could have been great copy if he wanted to be. That “C” on his shoulder? Could have stood for comedian.
Quoteless Joe is one of the funniest athletes ever to pass through Our Town. To wit: Among those in attendance at his retirement ceremony was ex-Lewis & Floorwax sidekick Rich “G-Man” Goins. Said Sakic, when Goins told him he was unemployed: “So am I.”
Goins suggested the two open a snow-removal business, a jab at Sakic for his infamous encounter with a snowblower. Said Sakic: “I skipped out on that class at machinery school.”
Figures. Sakic waits till his final news conference to haul out his “A” material. . . .
What do you mean I don’t have a life? What, just because I perused every major-league box score Friday morning to see how many teams had their left fielder hitting eighth? For the record, the answer is one. That would be the Local Nine. Of the 25 starting left fielders not named Carlos Gonzalez, 18 hit from second to fifth in the order, 10 in the three hole or cleanup. . . .
Point is, you have to wonder if the Rox can stay in the wild-card race while getting so little production out of such an offensive position. Going into the weekend, CarGo and Dexter Fowler had combined for four home runs in 346 at-bats. . . .
So why are they playing? For one thing, they’re the best defensive combination in the game in left and center field. Said Rox manager Jim Tracy as he sat in the dugout at Coors Canaveral: “There’s a lot of room, obviously, to hit in this ballpark, but it plays smaller, from our standpoint, because of the ground the two of them cover.” . . .
Talk about truth in advertising. Rockies GM Dan O’Dowd, circa spring training ’08, before Fowler made his mark in Double-A: “He’ll be worth the price of admission just to watch him go get the ball.” . . .
Yes, Fowler is going to be a star. And who knows? Maybe Gonzalez is a household name waiting to happen too. But it’s tough watching them struggle at the plate with Seth Smith, he of the .404 on-base percentage, sitting in the dugout. Stay tuned to that situation, sports fans. . . .
The Lions won’t go 0-fer again in 2009. How do we know? For one thing, Gunther Cunningham is their new defensive coordinator. Not that Gunther still breathes fire in his old age, but he’ll scare them into three wins. . . .
Coaches’ corner: Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald once was a graduate assistant under Gary Barnett at CU. Fitz’s Oh-coordinator at Northwestern? That would be ex-Mullen High coach Mick McCall. . . .
Just wondering: Do both of Ron Artest’s personalities count against the Lakers’ salary cap? . . .
Even in retirement, Rod Smith can’t get enough of the microphone. Ol’ No. 80, a card-carrying member of my Broncos all-interview team, will guest host the NFL Network’s Total Access show Monday at 5 p.m. . . .
So anyway, I got this press release from a competitive-eating contest in which the participants were referred to as “athletes.” Does that mean I get a signing bonus for picking lint out of my belly button? . . .
They say it’s your birthday: Ex-Rockie Andy Ashby (42); former Nugget Eddie Najera (33); Texans wideout extraordinaire Andre Johnson (28), and Ed Ott, the fastest autograph in baseball history (58).
Jim Armstrong: 303-954-1269 or jmarmstrong@denverpost.com
Winging it
Ryan Smyth, gone. Ian Laperriere, gone. And now Joe Sakic, gone.
How are the Avs going to get back on their feet? Simple.
“They need to do what Detroit did,” said former NHL defenseman Brian Engblom, now a TV analyst living in Our Town.
It’s true. For years, the Avs loathed the Red Wings. Now they need to emulate them.
Obviously, they need Matt Duchene, left, the third pick in the draft, to become a star. But if the Avs are going to be an elite franchise again, they need more than that. They need to strike gold, just as the Wings did with Pavel Datsyuk, the 171st overall selection in 1998, and Henrik Zetterberg, 210th a year later. Oh, and let’s not forget Johan Franzen, the 97th pick in 2004.
Five fearless predictions
Major League Baseball’s trading deadline is less than three weeks away. So who’ll go where as the clock winds down? Here are five fearless prognostications:
5. The pitching-rich Rangers will stock up on arms. Asked for an explanation, GM Jon Daniels will proclaim, “What part of ‘We’re not this good’ don’t you get?”
4. A swarm of bees will descend on Petco Park for the second time. Meanwhile, a flock of buzzards will circle above Nationals Park after the team trades away Adam Dunn.
3. The Yankees will sign Roy Halladay to a $150 million contract moments after trading for him. The deal will include use of 5,000 box seats near the dugout that weren’t being used anyway.
2. Red Sox executive Larry Lucchino will call Yanks evil for offering Halladay $10,000 more than the Sox did.
1. The Rockies will trade for a new left fielder who’s actually their old left fielder. Afterward, Matt Holliday will be spotted kissing the ground at Coors Field.
