Dear Amy: My spouse seems to think that I am crazy when I get angry at the fact that twice in the past three months she has gone out and stayed out all night.
She got home from her most recent outing some time after 6 a.m.
When I woke up at 4 a.m. and realized she wasn’t home, I tried reaching her on her cellphone but, despite my 13 attempts to reach her, she ignored my calls.
I did eventually receive a call from her, where she claimed she didn’t know that I called.
Prior to her leaving for the evening, I asked if she could at least be home by 2 a.m.
I explained that the previous time she went out I was not comfortable with the amount of time she was gone.
Both of these outings took place an hour’s drive away, enabling her to do basically anything she wants without being seen by anyone we know.
I also learned recently that she listed herself as “married looking for an affair” on three different matchmaking websites. This makes me feel very insecure. What do you think? — Sad Spouse
Dear Spouse: They say that love is blind, but puh-leeze! I was wavering a little bit about your situation until you revealed that your wife has listed herself as “married looking for an affair” on websites.
That’s a deal-breaker.
You need to find a way to face what’s going on and deal with it directly instead of lying awake at night, worrying about where your spouse is.
Dear Amy: I hope you can help with a problem that is causing me much anxiety.
About 10 years ago, I was going through an extremely traumatic divorce and had to sell our large family home to move into a smaller one.
I gave away a lot of things I wish I hadn’t. I gave a very good friend of mine a piece of furniture that was a family heirloom. When accepting it, she repeatedly said, “If you ever want this back, just ask. I’m just keeping it for you.” Now our children are starting their own families.
I feel that that piece should eventually be one of my children’s, rather than one of hers.
I know she’d want to give it back if she knew how I feel.
— Confused Friend
Dear Confused: You should ask for this family heirloom back. Make sure you thank your friend for being there for you and being such a good steward of this piece. If she’s a good friend, she’ll want to pass this along to your children. Offer her a replacement piece of furniture.
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