Dear Amy: My fiance and I got engaged last year. At the time, he was living on his own and paying rent.
My family invited him to come live with us rent free until we were married, thinking that it would be easier for him to save for the wedding.
He accepted the offer, but instead of putting the extra money toward the wedding, he decided to buy a new car.
My fiance is often home washing his new car, taking a nap or playing video games while my parents are doing the work around the house.
He never offers to help, and if I ask him to do a simple task such as walk their dog for them, he rolls his eyes and tries to get out of it.
I haven’t brought this up with him because I want him to choose to make the effort. Am I wrong to expect him to help out in exchange for a year of free living? — Fed Up Fiancee
Dear Fed Up: You aren’t wrong to expect a fiance to help out around the house, but you are wrong, perhaps, to expect your fiance to help.
Are you sure you want to marry this guy? Because the behavior you are only barely tolerating now will intensify with time. If your fiance becomes your husband, you will be married to someone who is rested and entertained, and who takes care of his toys while he neglects everything else (including you).
Dear Amy: I work in a small office. One member of the staff is making life miserable. She is the on-again/off- again mistress of the boss (I wasn’t aware of this upon hiring and don’t think I would have accepted this position if I had known).
Needless to say, she rules the roost. She routinely ignores me and my requests, imitates me behind my back and makes comments about how much better things were before I joined the office.
I “outrank” her and often need her to do small tasks for me, but at this point I just avoid her as much as possible and do both of our jobs.
There’s no chance of her being fired, and I need this job. — Desperate at Work
Dear Desperate: If your co-worker weren’t involved with the boss, you would expect her to do her job, and if she wasn’t doing it, you would address the issue.
If you rise above this situation and maintain an ignorant detachment about her entanglement, you can say, “Wendy, I’m concerned. There’s some inconsistency here at work. Let’s figure out how to work together more effectively.”
If you are certain you can’t influence your colleague to be a better worker, then you’ll have to keep your head down, do your job and minimize contact with this “toxic asset.”
Dear Amy: As someone who has faced infertility and was never able to have children, I am responding to the letters in your column about a couple announcing their pregnancy to infertile couples. I agree with you. If a couple are aware of another couple struggling with infertility, it is best to let them know about their impending birth with compassion and then move on.
I have had some very close friends not tell me they were expecting because they didn’t want to “hurt” me. Although I understand their concern, it actually hurt me to learn that they didn’t want to tell me. I am overjoyed for my friends when they are able to conceive and have children. — Been There
Dear Been There: I share your perspective, though other infertile couples have written in to say they disagree.
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