Dear Amy: Can you tell me what the etiquette is concerning bringing your pet with you when you visit other people’s homes?
I don’t think some dog owners know that some homeowners think it’s rude.
My mom continues to bring her dog with her when she comes to visit, even though I have told her, in a roundabout way, that I don’t enjoy his being here. I am not a dog hater. I have one myself, but I would never dream of taking my dog to her house for a visit.
It drives me crazy because I don’t think she treats her dog for fleas, and we don’t want our pets to get them. One winter we had a terrible infestation of fleas and could only assume it was from an untreated visitor.
My mom lives in town and is never at my house for more than four hours at a time, but she insists on bringing her pup over, and she seems irritated when I ask her to leave him in the backyard.
I know many people think of their dogs as family members, but I think it is polite to ask before you bring Fido for a visit. — Dog Lover
Dear Lover: The etiquette concerning bringing dogs to people’s homes is the same as it would be for bringing extra people to someone’s home — the guest should make sure the extra guest is welcome.
I agree with you that people should not assume their dogs are welcome guests in every home they visit.
What I can’t figure out is why you haven’t spoken to your mother about this. Discussing something in a “roundabout way” doesn’t qualify. In fact, many people develop sudden-onset deafness when faced with circular hinting.
If you’re not willing to discuss this openly with your mother, then you can expect to see Fido when your mom visits.
Dear Amy: My friend and I are concerned about our best friend. She is barely 15 and has her first boyfriend, whom she is obsessed with. She is so obsessed with him that we have only seen her once this summer, and that was at one of our birthday parties. Even then she talked to him on the phone several times.
When she came to my house, instead of watching a movie with us, she went upstairs and talked to him on the phone for several hours. He has been at her house several times every week.
We have been three best friends since seventh grade. We do not care that she hangs out with this guy, but we would really like her to make some time for us, too.
Without hurting her feelings, how can we tell her that she is replacing her two friends with one boy? — Missing Our Friend
Dear Missing: Don’t worry about hurting her feelings — just tell her you miss her and say you’re worried that she is putting too much energy into one relationship. If there are aspects of this that worry you, please talk to your parents — or hers. Unfortunately, sometimes girls seem to neglect their friendships when they get involved in a romantic relationship. Tell yourself that you won’t do this — because at your age, your friendships are too fresh and too important to ignore.
Dear Amy: I’m a married woman who had an affair with a married man. I’d like to respond to “Curious Husband,” who wanted to know why his wife would do intimate things with her lover that she would not do with him.
An affair is an illicit and temporary relationship in which the participants can be different people than they are in their daily lives: This includes trying different things and being more comfortable doing them.
I can tell you my husband would be shocked if I behaved with him the way I behaved with my lover. But I enjoyed every minute, and I am glad I got to be so free for a brief time. — Been There
Dear Been There: It is a shame that you don’t feel free to be yourself and try new things in your own marriage. If you learned nothing else from your affair, surely you could take this lesson back home.
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