Dear Amy: I am a non-American woman in my mid-30s.
I have been dating a guy about my age for the last six months.
He seems like a nice and caring, loving guy, but he lies a lot.
When we are together, he keeps sending text messages to his other female friends, and when I ask him about it, he says they are just his good friends.
Last week, I asked him if he is seeing other women, because I don’t want to be with him anymore if he is.
He said he has no attraction to any other women, but he does sometimes feel attracted to men.
He told me that he used to have a male partner but that he also likes women.
In my native culture, this is very strange. At the same time, I was hurt when he mentioned that he was with men.
I need advice from you about whether I should keep this relationship or just forget this man. — Confused
Dear Confused: If you are sexually involved with this man and he has been with other men (or women, too, frankly), you must practice safe sex and always use a condom if you choose to be with him.
If you are with someone who lies to you and hurts your feelings, then you shouldn’t be with him at all.
Sexual practices and conventions might be different in different cultures, but feelings cut across cultural boundaries. Your first and most important job is to respect yourself and to listen to and act on your own feelings and instincts.
You should also make sure you see your physician to be tested for STDs and educated about safe-sex practices.
You should be only with people who are honest with you, good to you and respectful toward you.
Dear Amy: I have several siblings, and lately my one brother and sister-in-law have stopped buying my children gifts for their birthdays.
As is customary in my family, I’ve always bought gifts for all of my nieces and nephews, and, to my knowledge, my brother and sister-in-law still buy gifts for my other nieces and nephews.
Although my children are still quite young and don’t notice this yet, I do, and it hurts my feelings.
I also worry about the day that my children are old enough to notice that they’ve been forgotten by their uncle and aunt.
How should I approach this? I know that this is not an issue of money, and I also know that my sister-in-law is the person who usually takes care of the gift-buying in their household. — Mom of Forgotten Kids
Dear Mom: Some people choose to stop giving gifts to children if they feel they haven’t been thanked adequately for the gifts they have given in the past.
You should make sure your children have thanked their aunt and uncle (if they are young, you should help them with this task).
Ask your brother and sister-in-law if they have forgotten your kids’ birthdays or if there has been some sort of misunderstanding or issue you can help rectify.
If your sister-in-law handles the gift-giving, it is entirely possible that she has simply forgotten.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the boy who described himself as scared to start middle school.
I’ve been a sixth-grade teacher for many years.
When my students head to middle school, many children exhibit anxiety. One thing we always recommend is that they make an appointment before school begins to go to the middle school and walk around the building with their parents. This gives them an opportunity to check out their locker location beforehand.
If they have their schedule, they can also do a dry run and figure out where all the classrooms are in advance. This allows them to find their way around the building at their own pace in an atmosphere that isn’t threatening.
For children with anxiety about starting middle school, this alleviates many of their issues and makes their first day of school run much more smoothly. — An Old Teacher
Dear Teacher: The cure for most anxiety is exposure and repetition.
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions.
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