Some days I feel as if the parade of life is passing me by. It’s not so much that I dislike being labeled a senior citizen for (a) I am one, and (b) there are some very some positive benefits to being in the AARP demographic.
I can see a first-run movie for a mere $7.25. The waitress at the Black-Eyed Pea hands me the senior menu without my even asking. And at holiday time, the major department stores in town offer special discounts and shopping hours for us over-the-hill folks.
No, for me it’s more a feeling that most everything in my life, especially technology, is moving too fast and I will never catch up. Let me explain.
In New York last spring, Kate Moore, a 15-year-old girl from Iowa, bested 20 other finalists to win the third annual LG U.S. National Texting Championship. Her prize: $50,000 and a new phone.
To win this coveted award, Moore logged over 14,000 text messages in a month, demonstrated her remarkable dexterity to text while blindfolded and even had the wherewithal to text during a moving obstacle challenge.
According to , Kate gave the following advice to parents: “Let your kid text during dinner! Let your kid text during school! It pays off.”
Why, you may ask, should this be of concern to me? First of all, I wonder how someone finds the time to send 14,000 messages and still be able to go to school, help around the house and spend precious teen time with her peers.
Second, it worries me that young people like Kate, future voters who will determine my fate with the pull of their cellphone-calloused hands, may lack the basic know-how to compose a complete sentence — let alone speak one.
Is the written and spoken word that is so dear to my heart in peril from the constant use of such shortcuts as texting? The abbreviated code used by most texters is not an endorsement for proper grammar — far from it.
Other than a quick communication fix, I just don’t understand the appeal. The way I see it, texting — along with doing little to enhance the language skills of our nation’s young people — is a potential for car accidents (there have been many), train wrecks (there has been at least one of record) and missed opportunities to connect with real human beings in real time.
Another case in point: Four years ago I purchased a new car that came with a very sophisticated navigation system. And, as you may have already guessed, I still don’t know how to use the darned thing.
It is complicated, so much so that even the salesman at the dealership, after two very frustrating and non-productive one-hour lessons, agreed with me that maybe a “navi” system wasn’t such a smart choice for me after all. The result: I have gone back to the old standby that has served me so well: MapQuest. Now, if I could just find my reading glasses when I need them.
My significant other is currently car shopping. Last Sunday, we spent the day climbing over guard rails and circumventing trucks and vans in dealer lots in order to check out the wide array of merchandise on our own — without interference from any pesky salesmen who might impede our inalienable right to look at our leisure.
The next day, with make and model in mind, we drove to the dealership for the inevitable test drive. The car salesman, in explaining the “high tech package” in our vehicle of choice, pointed out that if you just push a button on the dash something wonderful happens: a movie will magically appear right before your very eyes!
I was shocked and disgusted and I said so: “You mean while you are driving?”
“Of course not,” he replied and looked at me as if I were from Mars. “It’s for use when you are at a stoplight or stuck in traffic.”
What, I thought, could be more dangerous, distracting and ridiculous than watching a movie while driving a car? Who dreams up these things anyway? Needless to say, we did not make a purchase that day.
And now for the icing on the cake: Twittering, one of the newest social networking services around and possibly the most nonsensical of all. Really, why would I care what another person is doing 24/7? I have enough trouble keeping track of my own schedule and commitments.
Bottom line: I think Twittering is a total waste of time, not to mention a silly word for adults to use in any other context than a discussion on bird watching. If I want to know what’s happening in someone’s life, I will use the now outdated forms of communication known as e-mail, snail mail or, better still, I will make a date, by phone, to meet that person for coffee and a chat.
It goes without saying that I am woefully below the curve when it comes to operating anything more technologically advanced than a TV remote (it took me weeks to figure out how to program my favorite shows), the features on my point-and-click camera or the clock on my microwave oven.
My only solace from the never-ending struggle to keep up with the high-tech, social-networking world that has invaded my once peaceful existence is the knowledge that what is new today will be old tomorrow and (like me) totally out of step with the parade that is rapidly passing me by.
Suzanne Handler (suzannehandler@gmail.com) is a retired mental health educator living in Greenwood Village. EDITOR’S NOTE: This is an online-only column and has not been edited.
