Dear Amy: There is a family whose children attend the same school as my children.
We have been invited to several family gatherings over the past year.
Initially, I thought this family might be good friends. However, on the occasions we have attended functions at their home, my husband and I have noticed that their children often misbehave to the point of being violent.
The kids seem to run the house, and the parents just laugh it off if someone gets hurt. They don’t seem to have developed effective discipline techniques.
It has gotten to the point that I don’t believe my kids are safe with these children, and I don’t enjoy the time we spend together.
I have declined several invitations, but the mother is persistent in asking me and my family to be a part of their family’s celebrations.
Should I speak up — and maybe recommend some of my favorite parenting books — or continue to turn down invitations? — Perplexed Mom
Dear Mom: If you are already dodging invitations and have no intention of spending time with this family, then you might as well be honest.
You just say, “I have to be honest. We really like you and the kids, but I’m nervous because they don’t play the way our kids play.
One book this family might find helpful is “Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm and Respectful Boundaries,” by Robert J. MacKenzie (2001, Three Rivers Press).
Dear Amy : While I feel for the book club member who wrote to you because her meetings are hijacked by one member, I must confess to identifying with the hijacker.
I have had this problem my whole life. I like to think I am better, but I am sure my friends and co-workers would agree that I still have a long way to go. I would like to suggest a tactic taken by a women’s consciousness-raising group (remember those?) I belonged to in the ’70s.
After my problem became apparent, the group decided to give me five poker chips at the start of each session.
Every time I spoke I had to pay with one chip. It taught me to think before I spoke and consider if what I had to say was important.
It also ensured that I did not monopolize the group. — Lisa
Dear Lisa: This can be a very effective technique — and thank you for recommending it.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
