Dear Amy: I work with a woman, “Patty,” who is a married professional in her late 30s, attractive and outgoing, with two young children.
Patty is friends with a co-worker, “Jon,” also in his late 30s. He is a professional and is single, straight, very quiet and average looking.
Patty and Jon are always together at work, and Jon spends a lot of time at Patty’s house with her husband and children.
Jon is a handy guy, and he has done several large renovation projects at Patty’s house at no charge, and he often goes grocery shopping with her and her husband and kids.
He regularly babysits for Patty’s children when she and her husband want a night out, and he has even gone on vacation with Patty’s family, including her parents.
When people ask Patty about her relationship with Jon, it’s always, “Oh, he’s a great guy, and we’re the best of friends.” I can’t imagine why a happily married woman would invite a man to participate in such intimate aspects of her life. Am I completely out of touch, or is this relationship very strange? — Curious in Upstate New York
Dear Curious: You are completely out of touch. There is a word for the sort of strange and newfangled relationship you describe.
It’s called “friendship.” Some people — whether married or single, straight or gay — are capable of having loving, intimate, fulfilling friendships with others who don’t share their gender or demographic.
I hope this puts your mind at ease, so you can stop worrying about this relationship and get back to work.
Dear Amy: I am 17 years old and have been with my boyfriend for three years. He’s three years older then I am. I’m graduating from high school this year, and he’s graduating from community college.
We want to stay together, but I don’t know if I should follow him to the same university or move on. What should I do? — Amy
Dear Amy: You should apply to as many and varied colleges and universities as you can. If you limit your choices, you will always regret it. You have been with your boyfriend since age 14. Over the next few years, you will both grow and change until the day comes when you hardly recognize your younger self.
The fact that you’re asking this question is an indication that you should move away, if not move on from this relationship.
If it is strong and stable, your relationship will survive a separation, but your future as an individual rests on your receiving the best possible education. Part of your education consists of the new experiences you’ll have and people you’ll meet. The same goes for your boyfriend.
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