Dear Margo: My wife and I regularly play an online video game. Since I work full time and she doesn’t, she plays more than I do. A few weeks ago, she asked me if I had a problem with her spending a lot of time playing the game with an online friend, who happens to be male. I said that as long as he was “just a friend,” it was no problem. Over the past few weeks, however, I noticed behavioral changes in her that made me think something was amiss, so I read her game logs on her computer to assure myself that their relationship was “just friends.”
Long story short, I found enough in the logs to become very upset. I confronted her, and she admitted that she is in love with the online guy! She says she also loves me, is confused and doesn’t want to hurt either one of us. I love her, and the thought of her leaving makes me ill, but I want her to be happy. I also want her to hurry and make a decision because the stress of not knowing if she will leave me for him is killing me. But she doesn’t want to be rushed into making a decision. — Nice Guy Who Doesn’t Want To Finish Last
Dear Nice: I am having trouble with this. Your wife is playing an online game and thinks she’s fallen in love with Online Gamer Guy? Sheesh, it doesn’t take much, does it? The Internet being, well, the Internet, for all she knows, her game-boy could be an elderly lady who writes romance novels. No offense, but your mate doesn’t sound as though she’s wrapped real tight. Either that, or there’s not much going on in your marriage. It just seems addled to me that anyone could think she’s fallen in love with an unseen partner playing a computer game … and she’s telling you to hang on until she decides. I think if this happened to me, I would begin a new game called “Let’s Separate.” But in your case, I would suggest you both stop with the video games and instead go to a couples counselor to see what is wrong and what can be salvaged. — Margo, amazedly
Father Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Dear Margo: My parents are both in their late 80s and are beginning to have some major health issues. So far so good, but it has got me thinking about what to do for my father’s funeral. Dad has always been very critical and harsh with his children, grandchildren and, now, great-grandchildren. None of us has ever been able to live up to his expectations, even though we are law-abiding, honest citizens with college degrees, good jobs and houses with the mortgages paid off. Nothing has ever been good enough for Dad. He is currently not speaking to two of his three children due to his “disappointment” in them.
He is prominent in politics and holds a statewide appointed position. He goes out of his way to remember the birthdays of everyone he works with. He knows the names of all their children, asks about them and shows great interest in the lives and feelings of his colleagues. People either love him for the caring, sensitive man he projects professionally or avoid him (and therefore my mother) socially because he dominates every conversation. How will I deal with a funeral full of glowing testimonials knowing the misery he has caused my mother and his family over the past 65 years? — Dreading the Inevitable
Dear Dread: You will go through the motions. I suspect you will not be the only “mourner” to ever sit in a pew and secretly wonder who they are talking about. The disparity between his public and private selves is regrettable, but your insight will see you through. — Margo, perceptively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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