If the NFL is the No Fun League, then the excessive-celebration rule has turned college football into 22 guys waiting for a bus.
Of all the rules in American sports, from the hammer throw to bass fishing, this is the dumbest idea ever created by subhuman minds. I keep imagining 10 rules officials sitting in a room, every one of them wearing white, short-sleeved dress shirts and narrow ties, saying: “You know, we should stop these maniacal egos who raise their hands with their teammates and smile after touchdowns. Whatever happened to the handshake?”
This inane rule, hidden in the guise of “unsportsmanlike conduct,” has warped the game and changed the face of some teams’ seasons. To wit:
LSU at Georgia, Oct. 3 — Georgia’s A.J. Green catches a touchdown pass for a 13-12 lead with 1:09 left. Green gets mobbed. He runs slowly to the sideline and quickly raises his two arms in the air toward his home fans. Flag.
The 15-yard penalty — yes, 15 yards — forced Georgia to kick off from its 15. LSU’s Trindon Holliday returns it to the Georgia 43. Two plays and a penalty later, Charles Scott scores on a 33-yard run with 45 seconds left for a 20-13 win.
Colorado State at Idaho, Oct. 3: CSU’s Dion Morton scores on a 34-yard reception for a 20-7 lead with 1:36 left in the second quarter. Morton points to the sky, as he always does. That’s it. Mistakenly thinking he pointed to the Idaho crowd, the ref threw a flag.
Again, after a kickoff from the 15, Idaho’s Kama Bailey returns it 32 yards to the CSU 48. Four plays later, Trey Farquhar kicks a 47-yard field goal to make it 20-10. Idaho wins 31-29.
Cincinnati at South Florida, Oct. 15: Cincinnati’s Ben Guidugli catches a 43-yard pass to the South Florida 1. He runs to the sideline and takes off his helmet just before stepping over the line. Flag.
Instead of first-and-goal at the 1, it’s first-and-goal at the 16. Cincinnati scores a TD anyway in a 34-17 win, but you get the point.
Southern California at Notre Dame, Saturday: USC end Everson Griffen sacks Jimmy Clausen and flexes. Flag. First down Notre Dame at its 35. Irish eventually score to cut lead to 20-14.
The spirit of the rule is to prevent college kids from imitating their NFL older brothers. They don’t want teenaged sociology majors to pull cellphones from goal posts or form a conga line in the end zone.
But to curb basic human emotion from college kids who have more emotion than any age group is serving no one but geeks who shouldn’t be let out of their moms’ basements anyway.
I’m sorry, but I was not insulted by Morton pointing toward the sky. I’m still trying to figure out what Green did to offend anyone.
“It seems silly,” CSU coach Steve Fairchild said. “It was definitely a factor in the Idaho game. What little I’ve seen, we’re not all on the same page.”
In Cincinnati’s case, coach Brian Kelly admitted Guidugli violated the letter of the law. One must wait until reaching the sideline to take off one’s helmet. But if anyone thinks Guidugli violated the spirit of the rule, you definitely need to get out more.
“We know when someone’s showboating,” Kelly said on Monday’s Big East conference call. “I hope we don’t have to be so hard-line with the rule.”
I talked to Walt Anderson, the Big 12’s director of officials. I don’t think he wears white, short-sleeved dress shirts. He has been supervisor for four years and an NFL official for 14, so he knows both spectrums.
I told him my problem isn’t just the interpretation of the rule but the mere existence of the rule.
“There’s a greater emphasis at the college level on the team concept,” said Anderson, who sends video of good and bad calls to his officials for teaching purposes. “It’s not just one person scoring a touchdown. It’s a team scoring a touchdown. The NCAA is sensitive to any act that focuses the attention on the individual rather than a team.”
The Southeastern Conference made the right move Thursday by suspending the LSU-Georgia crew. The final straw was the crew’s phantom personal foul on Arkansas defensive tackle Malcolm Sheppard in Saturday’s 23-20 loss at Florida.
But let’s take it one step further. Only call unsportsmanlike conduct when a player taunts an opposing player or crowd. No spiking or throwing the ball after touchdowns.
Because pretty soon BCS will stand for Because Celebration Stinks.
Mississippi fight song is something Ole, something new
Mississippi’s football team hasn’t met expectations, but the university has scored points with its progressive constituents. It has shortened a fight song and removed the line “the South will rise again.”
Fans are still chanting “From Dixie with Love” at the end of the song and the school band plays the song before and after games. New school chancellor Dan Jones has received numerous complaints about the “rise again” slogan, saying it’s offensive and continues to tie the school with the Old South and its reign of racism.
“The fact is, the phrase ‘The South Will Rise Again’ is not part of our tradition or spirit,” Jones told The Associated Press, “and it is inconsistent with the university’s values and what Ole Miss stands for: a great public university with a focus on the future.”
Six years ago the school curbed the on-field mascot, Colonel Rebel, who looked like a plantation owner.
“I think it’s a big to-do about nothing,” said Brian Ferguson, 26, head of the Colonel Reb Foundation, of the censored line. “There were very few people other than the students who knew to say it.” John Henderson, The Denver Post
