Dear Margo: My husband of three years has suddenly become a real pervert. We dated for five years prior to marriage, and he was never this way. First, we are a May (me) December (him) relationship. He was always a gentleman, and there was nothing jaded about him. He is well educated and successful. Our sex life has been incredible. He’s said he could only have dreamed of having this kind of sex life.
In the last year, he has been constantly approaching me about “being with” my close girlfriend, “Edie.” It has gotten to the point where all he ever wants to talk about is sex with Edie — and me! I have told him over and over that I am not gay and will not engage in this. I have asked him what happened in the last year to bring all of this on. He says it started with some E.D. issues, which he has since resolved by lowering his cholesterol and exercising. He insists he does not want to be with her or to watch, but wants to listen from upstairs and then get a play by play from me. I have had it and am about to leave him. I really wish his penis would just fall off! I don’t know why he has become so obsessed with sex this last year. He does not believe we need marriage counseling. Any insight from you would be appreciated. — Disheartened in Pennsylvania
Dear Dis: I wonder how deep into December he is… Any sexualization that seemingly comes out of the blue can possibly signal the beginning of early dementia. And I said “possibly.” I am not a doctor. I actually don’t think counseling would distract him from the Edie fantasies, but I would suggest a neurological workup. And don’t be shy about telling the doctor about this change. (FYI, so far as I know, a threesome is not the remedy for E.D.) Good luck with the old goat. — Margo, immovably
When safety collides with delicacy
Dear Margo: I work with a great bunch of people at a small organization. Occasionally, a small group of us goes out to lunch or to a meeting off site together. The problem I have is that one of the people in the group is very overweight. We usually ask her if she wouldn’t mind driving (because she has a big car that can more easily accommodate her, as well as a seatbelt extension, and we all have smaller cars). She always has a reason why she can’t drive, but in any car other than her own, she can’t wear the seat belt.
I am extremely nervous having a passenger in my car who is not buckled up, and I know I’m not alone. She said one time a friend got pulled over and she wasn’t wearing her seat belt, so she cried so the officer wouldn’t give the driver a ticket. Not only do I not feel I’d be so lucky, but I would be extremely uncomfortable in that position. Is there a kind way to insist that she do the driving if she wants to go out with the group or go together in one car? Her mileage would be reimbursed by our organization, so there is no cost consideration. I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or ashamed, but we don’t know what to do. — Trying To Be Kind
Dear Try: I think you need to put laws, safety and your peace of mind above worry about hurting this woman’s feelings. She knows she is grossly overweight, and you and your colleagues should not be put in an untenable position because of her situation. I would stop being shy and simply tell her that her car is the one that accommodates her best, and then remind her of the mileage reimbursement. There is no reason to tiptoe around this reality. Not one. — Margo, directly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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