Dear Margo: I have a doozy for you. My first cousin, “Lily,” is a living, breathing waste of space. This girl had her first child at 15, her second at 17. Subsequently, she’s had two more. When her first child was 4 months old, Lily’s mother died and she came to live with our family, along with the baby. My mom did everything she could to help them, even quitting her job to watch Lily’s child while Lily went to high school full time. Lily never cared for her child. She’d come home from school and put him to bed so she wouldn’t have to deal with him. My mom finally thought that if she let her have some freedom and get out of the house, it might be an incentive for her to take care of her child. But the second she was out of sight, she got pregnant again! (This time she didn’t even know who the father was. She says she’s “narrowed it down” to two guys.)
My mom told her if she wanted to be an adult, she should start living like one, and helped her get an apartment, find a roommate and get a job, and even babysat while she was in school. But that went down in flames, too. She stole checks from her roommate and ended up in jail. Fast-forward: Her oldest child was adopted by my parents and is now my 12-year-old brother. Her second child was adopted by other family members. The third child she had while incarcerated was adopted to a couple in my hometown, and the fourth child’s paternal grandparents took custody because she was such a poor mother.
The reason I’m writing is, after all of this, I’ve learned that Lily is providing a DAY CARE service in her home. She’s gallivanting around, making people think she’s a wonderful person and a caring “mother” to her boyfriend’s children, even though her criminal record would make it impossible for her to obtain licensure in the state of Ohio. I really think the parents of the children she “cares for” deserve to know who is watching their children. I’m requesting two things of you: First, I’m wondering whether there are any agencies I can contact about putting a stop to this. Second, please remind your readers to be very careful about with whom they leave their children. — Disgusted in Ohio
Dear Dis: You already know that her criminal record would disqualify her from operating a licensed day care center, so I suggest you call City Hall in your town to find out which department licenses such facilities. Then contact them with the information you have, and they will do the rest. As for your second request, consider it done. And P.S.: Your mother sounds like a saint. — Margo, speechlessly
Really, It’s Not About You
Dear Margo: My husband will be best man at his brother’s wedding. The bride-to-be asked the groom’s sister to be in the wedding party but not me. (We all live in different states but get along well when we’re together.) My feelings are hurt, but more so because they did not ask our children to be flower girl and ring bearer. Our children are the only niece and nephew in the entire family, and they are at the perfect age, well behaved and beautiful! I know I shouldn’t question their choices, it’s their day, yada, yada, yada, but this exclusion stings. Any ideas on how I can get over my bruised ago? — Fixated
Dear Fix: Your future sister-in-law, for whatever reason, did not ask you to be in the wedding party. Try to assume that there was a reason that at least made sense to her. As for your children, some people don’t like little kids in a wedding party. Playing devil’s advocate here, she may not like children, or she may be skittish about what a child might do. Sometimes their stage fright or a theatrical bent can gum up the works and become a total distraction. I, of course, have no idea what the bride-to-be is thinking, but I hope you can will yourself to accept that it’s her deal and resolve not to take her decisions personally. — Margo, resolutely
