Perched atop a snow-covered slope, looking down at a trail called “Art’s Ulcer” or “Dead Bob’s” offers a moment for reflection. What part of that trail gave Art an ulcer? Does Bob’s body repose somewhere under all that snow?
There’s a story behind the names of those ski trails. Some, like “See Forever,” are obvious. Others, not so much. Are legs of steel required to descend “Tin Pants”? Does Silverton Mountain’s “Skid Mark” refer to braking? Or something else?
“We had that name in our first trail map ever, but the U.S. Forest Service and the BLM didn’t like what they saw and made us reprint,” says Aaron Brill, who runs Silverton Mountain. The maps with the Captain Underpants-esque names became collector’s items.
“Art’s Ulcer,” Snowmass: For the two Arts who worked on this trail, a tough job: Art Kuen and Art Bowles.
“Beano’s Trace,” Beaver Creek: Named after the bachelor farmer pioneer Frank Bienkowski, whose homestead ruins are near Beano’s Cabin, a restaurant.
“Bear Trap,” Beaver Creek: Locals say there’s an old bear trap still somewhere in the trees near the bottom of the run.
“Bottoms Up,” Snowmass: Skiers on this steep run often find themselves on their backs, with their legs in the air.
“Dallas Freeway,” Snowmass: Trail down the Big Burn that was packed by a snowcat and immediately adopted by a Dallas ski club that came for the powder, but abandoned the powder for the packed run.
“Dead Bob’s” and “Body Bag,” Crested Butte Mountain Resort: Both were named in honor of a local, Bob Gillen, after his laconic evaluation of the runs after they opened. He said, “This is so steep, ski patrol will be waiting at the bottom with a body bag.”
“Double Cabin,” Telluride: This run commemorates a settler who decided to build a second cabin after he became a father.
“Drunken Frenchmen,” Mary Jane: Named for the French-Canadian loggers who cut timber by day and drank at night.
“Founders’ Ridge,” Arapahoe Basin: The five double-black-diamond chutes on the Zuma Cornice Run are named after Arapahoe Basin’s five principals: Max Dercum, Thor Groswold, Dick Durrance, Sandy Schauffler and Jump Schauffler.
“KANT-MAKE-M,” Telluride: Composed of the first initial of each name of the many children of Ron and Joyce Allred, the second owner of Telluride.
“Mandatory Air,” Silverton Mountain: Named because of the large bowl that terminates in an 80-foot cliff band. The exit to Two Smokes takes skiers to another run that earned its name after the first skiers found they could smoke two cigarettes between the top and the bottom of the trail.
“Mary Jane,” Winter Park/Mary Jane: Named not for the sometimes medically sanctioned weed, but for a popular local prostitute who once owned the land where the trail was built, a resort spokesman says.
“Pants Pooper,” Silverton Mountain: Steep, narrow, with a cliff in the middle that requires leaping with a mid-air turn to avoid rocks.
“Pick and Gad,” Telluride: At the Pick and Gad cat house, you could pick a lady for the evening and talk all night, among other things.
“Red-Buffalo,” Beaver Creek: Named after the historic Gore Range pass between Red Peak and Buffalo mountain, just beyond the head of Two Elk Creek, the drainage for Vail’s Back Bowls.
“Redden’s Switchback,” Crested Butte Mountain Resort: Bulldozer driver Paulie Redden’s machine rolled as he was cutting the trail.
“Ricky’s Ridge,” Vail Mountain: Ricky Andermatten was one of Vail’s first ski instructors and a native of Switzerland.
“Skid Mark,” Silverton Mountain: Narrow, steep chute with a rope in the middle of the run, so skiers can descend hand-over-hand down a 30- by 50-foot chute. The name refers to the muddy pants of skiers who fall while maneuvering this run.
“Spiral Stairs,” Telluride: Named after the spiral staircase that went from the surface to fourth level of the Tomboy Mine. The stairs at the Tomboy spiraled five times from the surface to the fourth level.
“Sterling Way,” Mary Jane: Named after a railroad engineer who slid to safety on a coal shovel, following a winter train wreck on Corona Pass.
“Tin Pants,” Vail Mountain: Refers to the canvas pants that loggers waterproofed with grease or pine pitch. The pants froze stiff as metal in cold weather.
“Whispering Jessie,” Snowmass: Lift operator Jesse Caparrella also helped build many of Snowmass’ lifts and was known for being loud.
“Widge’s Ridge,” Vail: Alice “Widge” Ferguson was an early Back Bowls skier and local legend because her winter visits to Vail always coincided with snowstorms.
